Response to Why Are You Still Single? (Single & Following Jesus Part V)


Aloha friends, 

So one of the frequent questions given to singles is “Why are you single?” It might be followed by a, “You are so beautiful/handsome. You are such a great person,” or a “Let me set you up with my (coworker, friend, this person I know, or a complete stranger).” 

Sometimes the person is unbelieveably rude and says something like, “I am so glad I found someone,” or “You better get moving the clock is ticking.” 

I had a lady tell me once she could never be me because I did not have anyone. Well, she was soon single. Her husband was caught cheating. As a matter of fact every woman who has looked down on me for being single ended up divorced/betrayed. No, I did not wish bad things on them. 

Their comments do not bother me. Why? I truly like who I am. With or without a mate, I like myself. A partner is not a means to validate my self worth. 

Some pity you. Some judge you. Some try to set you up on awful blind dates. Some assume all you do is think about marriage. There are healthy ways to deal. 

How do you deal? 

Well, offense is an option or a snarky comment. Don’t let the spirit of slap get you. 😉


The high road is understanding being single is not a curse nor will marriage fix everything. Marriage adds responsibilities, involves compromise, and is best suited for two people ready to attempt to love unselfishly. 

Paul stated very clearly that the married person focuses on their spouse while the single person has undivided focus on God. 

I really want to get married, what do I do? 

I enjoy being single, except at weddings and around certain people. Then I wish I had a fake spouse to bypass the akwardness. 🙂 Yet I know it is a great desire in the hearts of many. So here are some tidbits. 

1. Get comfy with who you are

Confidence attracts great things. 

Being single can cause some insecurity for some-the world is wondering why no one has chosen you. You may wonder this too. Yet know there are plenty of people married to the wrong person or in hellish marriages because they were impatient. They post like it’s bliss on Social Media, yet know of several faking the funk per say. 

The right thing for a person at the wrong time is still the wrong thing. 

2. Know God cares about the desires of your heart and His abilities trump a biological clock. 

I know people who married later in life and have amazing marriages. They had kids over 40, had the income to support those kids, and were mature enough to handle the marriage. When God gives gifts, they are custom. Custom gifts are not always quick or immediate. One can go create an Ishmael situation or wait on God/seek God for Issac. 

But my biological clock is like a time bomb! 

Abraham and Sarah are prime examples of God’s ability to defy biology. God created the body. God can do what people say cannot be done. I know most do not want their story to be that of Abraham and Issac. I simply wanted to encourage you that God is not limited. 

The desires of a person’s heart placed in the hands of God is the safest place they can be. 

3. Ask why you want to be married?

Selfishness is the thief of love, God love. If marriage is a means to fit in, fill a void, forgo lonliness, or deal with lust-those are the wrong motives. 

Marriage amplifies who a person is. Any issues hidden come bubbling up. What if that spouse get’s disfigured, can not meet physical needs, gets an illness…what then? What if for better or worse becomes the worse? If the objective is not to unselfishly love and honor someone for life, well relational breakdown occurs. 

4. Pray

There are people who say pray for your future spouse. I am not opposed to this. I truly think some of the greatest prayers are below…

Lord help me to find contentment in you alone. 

Lord purify my heart and help me to walk in purity. 

Lord show me how to love like you. 

Lord prepare me for what you have for me. 

Lord help me to guard my heart. 

Lord help me to steward others hearts well. 

Lord give me wisdom and increased discernment. 

Lord fill all the voids with you. 

Lord heal my soul. 

Lord protect me from the wrong choices. 

Lord hold my heart and do not let me give it to the wrong person. 

Lord prepare the person you have for me. Cause our paths to cross at the perfect time. 

Lord help me to find my identity in you. 

Lord strengthen me where I am weak.


Final thoughts…

People are getting married later in life. I hear from ladies that Christian men do not pursue them. I hear from Christian guys they are clueless how to date or have been repeadily rejected. So this leaves an interesting dynamic for those desiring children. Some opt for online dating. I have seen this work out great for many and not so great for a few. Some pray and hope God sends someone. Some give up all together. 

I will say that God is good and withholds nothing good. God’s timing is not always ours. Yet I have seen over and over the faithfulness of God. May knowing God be the aim. Those who seek first the Kingdom will gain so much more. The greatest gift is God! 

Praying for you! God wants His very best for you, for all of us. 

Love, 

Erin Lamb 

Weekend Devotion: Killing Insecurity 

  
Image created with wordswag, used with permission. 

Weekend Devotion: Insecurity is not humility. Humility is a right assessment of oneself in relation to God. Let’s explore pride. 

Pride is preoccupation with self whether positive or negative. Pride refuses help-I don’t need or want assistance even if it is greatly needed. Pride fuels unbelief (not agreeing with God), bickering (I know better than you), jealousy (I deserve that attention), competition (I deserve to be first), put downs, mean sarcasm/excessive criticism, racism and sexism (someone must be inferior for me to feel superior), rebellion, self pity, insecurity, clamors to be promoted (give me a title, put me in charge), unwilling to serve/sacrifice for others. And a host of other things…

I did not feel bad about myself until I stepped into ministry. It is okay. God has healed the damage done by well meaning Christians. 

When I entered ministry I was told feeling like dirt was humility. I needed to pretend to be bad at things to give God glory. Not sure how that works? “Oh God, I am ugly, untalented, have nothing to offer, horrible“,. God responds, “Ummm I made you, so you are saying as a Creator/Artist I am not very skilled?” 

He is the Artist, we are His artwork. Insulting the artwork is insulting the Artist. 

I noticed people who ascribed to worm theology (some not all) struggled with loving others. Why? Because they thought so low of themselves. We can only give away the love we have first received. If I feel like dirt, how am I going to love, empower others? If I feel like dirt, I will most likely struggle with jealousy/comparison, and cut others down to feel better. 

I also realized worm theology and “I am dirt” is just the flip coin of pride. It is saying, “My opinion of me is more important than God’s. I know better than God. Me! Me! Me! Woah is me. I am but a wretched worm.” 

I love what Pastor Bill Johnson says, “I can not afford to have a thought in my head that God doesn’t have in His.” 

How do earthly parents feel about their kids? Just look at Social Media and you can see it. They brag on their kids all day, every day. God loves infinitely more. He is not looking to suppress what He has given or created. 

God is proud of His kids. He cheers for His kids. He believes in His kids. He says we are fearfully and wonderfully made. He, through Jesus, seated us in heavenly places and made us joint heirs with Jesus. We are His workmanship created for His glory. We are highly valued by God. Jesus paid for our lives with His. God doesn’t make junk. 

We are not God. We are not to be worshipped, elevated to His equal or above Him. We are though to honor what He created. It brings Him glory. 

How did Jesus walk out humility? I never read of Him having perpetual pity parties or insulting Himself, nor pretending He wasn’t who the Father said He was. 

Jesus served. He did not demand others serve Him. Humility is willing to serve, even without credit/glamor. 

Jesus forgives. Pride holds onto grudges. 

Jesus empowers others. He believed in the disciples, gave them chances before they proved themselves, and knowing sometimes they would fail. 

Jesus accepted help from others. Pride doesn’t want help. Jesus invited the disciples to pray for Him. 

Jesus sacrificially loved. Pride is “me focused”-serve me, love me, bless me. Me! Me! Me! 

Jesus acknowledged His dependence on the Father. 

Jesus had a right assessment of Himself in relation to the Father. 

Jesus gave others chances to shine/step into their destiny. After He multiplied the fish and loaves, He invites the disciples to do the same. 

Jesus associated with the weak, broken, outcasts of society. He wasn’t too good to be with the least of them. 

He did not look down His nose on others. 

Jesus empowered women and treated them with respect, honor, dignity. 

Jesus did not have to send out business cards “Messiah”, or walk in the room and say, “I am here, bow to Me peasants.” He walked in agape love and power; it drew people to Him and the Father. 

Jesus washed feet. He served those who would later betray Him. 

Jesus said, “When you see Me, you have seen the Father.” He invites us to abide in Him so other’s see the Father. 

Jesus submitted His entire life to the Father. Out of love He submitted. Pride hates to come into agreement with others. It demands it’s own way. 

Good news, if we have pride there is forgiveness and mercy. I am not immune from pride. I have found when I disagree with God, that’s pride. When I focus too much on me, pride. When I overshare out of excitement and forget to listen or to consider my audience, pride. God says, “Come be loved by Me.” 

Pride melts away in His Presence. He doesn’t beat me up. He loves me to life. Being with Him and agreeing with Him leads to transformation. He, as the Masterful Surgeon, prunes away in love. We are all in process, being transformed from glory to glory. 

So may you and I abide in His love, stay connected to the Vine, agree with God, and love ourselves as He does. The love we receive can be poured out on Him. Then we can love our neighbor as ourselves.

Killing Insecurity (God Wants You Confident!)

  
I wrote this post primarily for women, yet it may encourage men too. I will get back to the relationship series. My next post in that series will most likely be on sacred sex-God’s original design for physical intimacy. 

This post is to encourage the hearts of women to slay insecurity. 

Morning warriors for Jesus! 

Oh my, you are treasures. You are loved, cherished, and celebrated in heaven. You were and are God’s creative design. You mean SO much to Him. Do you believe that? I hope so. I hope today to share some of His word, His heart, and some of my heart. I hope you walk away encouraged. I hope and pray any lies the enemy planted in your heart are uprooted forever. When we believe lies, we empower the Liar. Jesus defeated him already, let’s not partner with him. 

Here goes…

Being a woman is a gift. We represent a side of God that man does not. We are not better than men, nor or we less than. Our value is far beyond our sex appeal, sexual organs, outward appearance, reproductive abilities, or the status of wife/mom. It may blow you away to know God values more than our flesh. 

I’m an observer, it helps in science. I notice women are mostly applauded for outward beauty (which is subjective to whoever is choosing), sexual appeal, her ability to please/support/serve a man, or her ability to be a wife or mother. There are less women being celebrated for simply loving God, courage, stamina, creativity, uniqueness, humility, etc…

What if you’re not society’s view of beautiful or sexy? 

What if you’re not the ideal size, measurements, or hair color/eye color combo? 

What if you have a few or many grey hairs or wrinkles? 

What if your contribution to society is different? 

What if your IQ isn’t the highest, genius level? 

What if you aren’t able to have children? 

What if you’re single, widowed, or divorced? 

What if you don’t have a mega ministry? Or a Fortune 500 company?
What if you aren’t rich? 

What if your earthly family or history is filled with brokenness? 

What if you don’t fit into social cliches or popular groups?  

What if your ethnic group is looked down upon or oppressed in society? 

What if you are a wife and mom and that’s your primary focus? 

Well…

There’s no marriage or sex in heaven. There are also no beauty contests. There’s no IQ test. There are no personal companies to run. There is no disparity; social, economic, or by ethnicity. 

What then will woman be doing? What was she truly created for? Oh I love this part. She will love and reign with Christ forever. She will see herself and God without the tainting of sin. She will be respected and honored for who she is. She will worship God forever. 

More good news: God created us for Him! We were created to know Him, love Him, enjoy Him, find life in Him, and be with Him. You and I were His idea. Each person has a unique role in His Kingdom. There are no inferior people. And men will not dominate women in heaven or vice versa. 

I don’t believe I’ve heard many sermons on what we will actually be doing in heaven that’s straight from the Bible. I’ve heard people talk about their dreams/visions. Yet I love the word of God. Yes! 

  • We will live in Paradise (Luke 23:43).
  • We will worship (Revelation 22:3).
  • We will keep learning about God (Isaiah 57:15).
  • We will be fully known as we are and be with others who loved/accepted Christ (1 Corinthians 13:12).
  • We will serve God without the hinderance of sin. There will be no suffering (Revelation 21:4). 
  • We will be given rewards based on how we lived and given assignments. Not everyone will have the same rewards or assignments (all verses can be found here Heavenly Rewards and Assignments

See link for verses to substantiate claims (What Are We Doing in Heaven?

You and I were created by God and for God. 

Okay Erin, that’s nice but I’m still feeling insecure about (fill in the blank)…my age, my size, my role on earth, my appearance, my career or lack of career, not having a family, having a family and feeling overlooked…

Well here are some things from Papa God. 

Feelings are not an indication of truth. What I say is truth. I love you profoundly more than you can imagine and I long for you to stand in confidence. Confidence in knowing I created you. Man may judge you, overlook you. I never will. The world may judge you by superficial things, yet I long for you to find your identity in Me. I carved you out of my heart. I sculpted your DNA out of My imagination. I laughed. I smiled. I invited the Angels to come see what I had done. I watch over you in the night seasons, eagerly awaiting the opportunity to be with you. I want to be with you. I love being with you. You are My daughters, My Princesses; you are Royalty. The evil one works so desperately for you to think less of yourself than you are. He hates the love, passion, stamina, and life I created in you. You are intricate and complex. I took My time handcrafting you. You bear My glory! I stood back and marveled at the work of My hands. I fashioned you. You are marked with My fingerprints. You have infinite worth and value. It’s not based on what you do or have done or your earthly titles or status. It’s based on who you are in My eyes; it’s based on who’s you are. You are Mine and I am fully yours. Stand tall. Stand tall in My love, My affirmation, My approval given in My Son. Sink your heart into Mine and thrive!” 

Father God please reveal any lies we have come into agreement with about ourselves or our circumstances. I ask that Your Holy Spirit would place His finger on every lie and we’d renounce them. Please forgive us for downplaying who we are, Your divine design. Please forgive us for any jealousy, comparison, or complaining about Your handiwork-us. Please forgive us for insecurity which a fruit of the sin of unbelief. Infuse us with unwavering faith, courage, and confidence. Give us eyes to see You, ourselves, and our circumstances the way You do. In Jesus powerful name, amen. 

Love, 

Erin Lamb

P.S I’m writing a book called Killing Insecurity. My prayer is it inspires and is used by God to heal many. 

I Know God Is, but Who Am I?

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So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them,~Genesis 1:27.

God raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus,~Ephesians 2:6.

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world,~1 John 4:4.

It’s impossible to know who we are without first knowing the One we were fashioned after, God. We are not demi gods. We are made in His image.

Without God it is impossible to have a secure identity or freedom from fear.

All insecurity can be tied back to fear. Fear of not being good enough, not having enough, not measuring up, not being powerful or safe, fear of being judged, ridiculed, rejected, or abandoned.

Fear says, “God is not who He says He is. God might not or will not come through for you. You are not who God says you are!”

Fear aims to keep us focused on who we are not instead of who we are in Christ.

Jesus didn’t just go to the cross to save our souls, though that’s a tremendous gift and blessing. He raised us up, deposited His Spirit in us, and invited us to do what He did (live an empowered life, be His disciples, and disciple others).

God empowered us! We were never meant to be hopeless, downtrodden, powerless, beat up by the enemy, or despondent. Jesus defeated the enemy on the cross, then handed us great authority in His name.

So why do so many Christians feel chronically defeated?

Life can beat on the strongest of souls. Feeling defeated or insecure can occur when we believe the lie that something or someone is more powerful than God, when we forgot who our Heavenly Father is, or we’ve forgotten or failed to realize who we are in Him.

God in us is not defeated!:

The Greater One lives in us. He’s not coaching from the sidelines. The Coach lives in us! The Creator of the Universe is abiding in believers. He never leaves our side. We have a 24/7 live in comforter, counselor, advocate, and He’s better than a GPS or Google. He is not afraid or insecure.

I heard Pastor Bill Johnson say something that stuck with me…he said, “Believers may have the Holy Spirit, but does He have them?” We can quench the Holy Spirit. We can choose not to follow or listen to Him. He’s a gentleman. He won’t force His way. He’s not a control freak. Love doesn’t force it’s own way.

Final thoughts:

We are God’s workmanship! We have a reason to feel hopeful, encouraged, empowered, and without insecurity. God has given us incredible tools; His Spirit, relationship with Him, His Word, and other believers!

Comparison (Killing Insecurity Part 14)

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Comparison fuels insecurity. It’s easy to look at other people’s lives and compare what you see to the reality of your own life. Like the quote states above, We compare our behind the scenes to other people’s highlight reel.”

The problem comes when self esteem is tied to comparison with other people.

Comparison can lead to putting others down to feel better about ourselves, feelings of inferiority, or even wanting what other people have (coveting or envying).

What are we comparing?

There is not only the comparison of possessions, qualities, looks, or status. We as humans also compare sins. Have you ever looked at someone and said, “At least I’m not as bad as that person, or that person seems so spiritual, connected to God and I am not?

What does the Bible say about comparison, judging, and wanting what others have…

You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor,”~Exodus 20:17.

What does it mean to covet?
1.yearn to possess or have (something).

synonyms: desire, yearn for, crave, have one’s heart set on, want, wish for, long for, hanker after/for, hunger after/for, thirst for more.

Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?~Matthew 7:1-3.

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma,~Ephesians 5:1-2.

It’s okay to admire qualities we see in others. However, scripture tells us to be imitators of Christ.

Last post I talked about allowing Christ to live in us. Jesus is our model. Any good we see in people comes from Him. Any blessings or spiritual gifts we see in people’s lives, we can admire and praise God. Every good and perfect gift comes from Him. Also what He does for one, He will do for another.

Why do we compare ourselves to others?

We don’t realize how valuable, special, and unique we are.

God loves you friends. Every person has a special purpose and set of gifts given by God. God longs to give us good things. He withholds nothing good. So, the greatest thing we can do is seek God for identity.

Comparison normally does not lead to anything good. Everyone has problems, troubles, struggles, and only God is perfect! And He is crazy about you! He delights in who He made, you! He has great plans for you.

Boundaries (Killing Insecurity Part 13)

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This post is quite practical. It’s about boundaries. One of the signs we are lacking security in Christ is a lack of boundaries. You may be thinking, “I don’t have an issue with boundaries!” I urge you to stay with me.

Answer these questions:

Do you find it difficult to say no to things you don’t want to do or aren’t right for you?

Do you seek to please people?

Do you go along with what is being said or done out of fear?

Do you often feel taken advantage of, frustrated, or used in relationships?

Do you find yourself overloaded, overworked, or burned out?

Do you seek to rescue people from their bad choices?

Do you stay in relationships that are harmful, one sided, or detrimental?

Do you allow people to mistreat you with no consequences?

Do you listen more to what people say than what God says?

Are you always taking from other people?

Are you constantly giving to others and there’s no reciprocation?

Do you overstay your welcome or allow others to overstay their welcome?

Do you take responsibility for others or try to control or change others?

Do you let people get too close to you quickly or try to get close to people quickly?

Do you lack respect for people’s privacy, have trouble keeping secrets, or share too much?

If you answered yes to any of the above, it’s most likely a boundary issue.

What are boundaries?

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What is the purpose of boundaries?

Boundaries protect the value of something. If you had a million dollar diamond, you’d keep it safe. You’d probably put it in a case, have an alarm system, and surveillance. Guess what? You are someone God considers more valuable than that million dollar diamond. You are valuable and so is everyone else.

Boundaries keep us from being violated, used, abused, and they protect others. Boundaries say, “Your freedom ends where my freedom begins.” We can’t do whatever we want with no consequences. We are called out of security in Christ to set boundaries with people. Jesus set boundaries with people. When Peter told Jesus he would not let him go to the cross, Jesus rebuked him. The highest priority for Jesus was the will of His Father. People did not determine what Jesus would do. He was secure in His identity.

Boundaries are good and rooted in love.

Even society sets boundaries with the law. I can’t walk into my neighbors house and take his belongings. There’s a lock on the door and to take his stuff is a violation of his space.

People, if you let them, will violate and/or take advantage of you. If you’re not careful, you can overstep boundaries with other people. Here are some stories…

Carpool: I used to volunteer to take a lady from an old church ( long ago, no longer attending) to Sunday services. I thought it was noble, to serve and love like Jesus. She wasn’t on my route but had no other way. This woman would slam my car door, complain all the way to church, wander off after church, get an attitude if she thought we’d be late, call my house multiple times Sunday mornings, etc…I at the time thought I was dying to self and suffering for Christ. I realized after weeks of frustration, and seething inside that I was being stupid. Jesus would point her to truth. He’s not a wimp or doormat. He doesn’t delight in sin. Allowing this woman to treat me poorly wasn’t helping her to become like Christ. In community we are called to point each other to Jesus. Love corrects to restore. It’s not loving to allow someone to keep sinning against you.

The talebearer: I don’t like gossip. I don’t like listening to other people’s business or hearing their secrets. I don’t advocate talking about someone behind their back. I try to protect people’s reputations. I’ve had to tell a few people, “You shouldn’t share this with people. Do you have permission to share this? I don’t want to hear this.” It’s awkward. It doesn’t feel nice at first, but it’s my boundary.

The intruder: I think we’ve probably all encountered the person who has different ideas of personal space, who stays late, arrives late, makes you late, arrives too early, stops by unannounced, etc…intruders don’t respect your time or space. You set the standard for how you’ll be treated. I’ve been know to not answer the door, my phone, to leave without chronically late people, etc…it’s not to be mean or demand my way. It’s a to create a boundary in my life.

You and I are responsible for what we allow. We are also called to have self control in our own lives. We learn the boundaries of others and establish our own. God is a fan of boundaries, for love protects.

Rejecting Vanity (Killing Insecurity Part 12)

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Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears, but a person who honors the Lord should be praised, based on Proverbs 31:30.

We live in a society that is obsessed with youth and beauty. There are entire markets dedicated to helping people achieve this “standard” of beauty. It is a source of insecurity for many people. After all it’s the “beautiful people,” who get everything they want right? We will come back to this question.

Like the picture stated above, you can be the juiciest peach in the world and there will still be someone who hates peaches. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. What society deems as beautiful is relative to preferences. Yes, symmetry and certain shapes attract more attention, but beauty is relative to the observer.

So, what if the image you see in the mirror does not match the images in the magazines? What if no one tells you that you’re beautiful or cherished? What if you’re rejected because of your physical appearance? Does that mean you’re not beautiful? Absolutely not!

I love art. My favorite artists are impressionists. A few years ago my friends took me to an Andy Warhol museum. I did not enjoy his work. Some people love it; I do not. I do not think Andy’s artwork is beautiful. I like a particular type of artwork. My preferences do not diminish the quality or beauty of other artist’s work.

You are God’s artwork. God is the beholder, and He says you’re beautiful. He says you’re fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139). God cannot lie. If He calls you beautiful, you are. Let His word define you. He’s making you attractive from the inside out.

Back to the question above: do people the world deem as beautiful get everything they want? Not necessarily. People are people. If you gain advantages solely based on physical appearance, there will always be someone deemed more beautiful. All people age. So, if outward beauty is all there is, it can be lost. I know plenty of physically appealing people who are unemployed, have family issues, have never married, have challenging lives, feel judged for their appearance, or have had unfaithful spouses. Beauty does not equal a pain free life or easy life.

Just in case no one has told you today, “You are God’s handiwork, created to shine bright! You are one of a kind; a masterpiece, simply beautiful!”

May your life be free from the trap of vanity.