Response to Why Are You Still Single? (Single & Following Jesus Part V)


Aloha friends, 

So one of the frequent questions given to singles is “Why are you single?” It might be followed by a, “You are so beautiful/handsome. You are such a great person,” or a “Let me set you up with my (coworker, friend, this person I know, or a complete stranger).” 

Sometimes the person is unbelieveably rude and says something like, “I am so glad I found someone,” or “You better get moving the clock is ticking.” 

I had a lady tell me once she could never be me because I did not have anyone. Well, she was soon single. Her husband was caught cheating. As a matter of fact every woman who has looked down on me for being single ended up divorced/betrayed. No, I did not wish bad things on them. 

Their comments do not bother me. Why? I truly like who I am. With or without a mate, I like myself. A partner is not a means to validate my self worth. 

Some pity you. Some judge you. Some try to set you up on awful blind dates. Some assume all you do is think about marriage. There are healthy ways to deal. 

How do you deal? 

Well, offense is an option or a snarky comment. Don’t let the spirit of slap get you. 😉


The high road is understanding being single is not a curse nor will marriage fix everything. Marriage adds responsibilities, involves compromise, and is best suited for two people ready to attempt to love unselfishly. 

Paul stated very clearly that the married person focuses on their spouse while the single person has undivided focus on God. 

I really want to get married, what do I do? 

I enjoy being single, except at weddings and around certain people. Then I wish I had a fake spouse to bypass the akwardness. 🙂 Yet I know it is a great desire in the hearts of many. So here are some tidbits. 

1. Get comfy with who you are

Confidence attracts great things. 

Being single can cause some insecurity for some-the world is wondering why no one has chosen you. You may wonder this too. Yet know there are plenty of people married to the wrong person or in hellish marriages because they were impatient. They post like it’s bliss on Social Media, yet know of several faking the funk per say. 

The right thing for a person at the wrong time is still the wrong thing. 

2. Know God cares about the desires of your heart and His abilities trump a biological clock. 

I know people who married later in life and have amazing marriages. They had kids over 40, had the income to support those kids, and were mature enough to handle the marriage. When God gives gifts, they are custom. Custom gifts are not always quick or immediate. One can go create an Ishmael situation or wait on God/seek God for Issac. 

But my biological clock is like a time bomb! 

Abraham and Sarah are prime examples of God’s ability to defy biology. God created the body. God can do what people say cannot be done. I know most do not want their story to be that of Abraham and Issac. I simply wanted to encourage you that God is not limited. 

The desires of a person’s heart placed in the hands of God is the safest place they can be. 

3. Ask why you want to be married?

Selfishness is the thief of love, God love. If marriage is a means to fit in, fill a void, forgo lonliness, or deal with lust-those are the wrong motives. 

Marriage amplifies who a person is. Any issues hidden come bubbling up. What if that spouse get’s disfigured, can not meet physical needs, gets an illness…what then? What if for better or worse becomes the worse? If the objective is not to unselfishly love and honor someone for life, well relational breakdown occurs. 

4. Pray

There are people who say pray for your future spouse. I am not opposed to this. I truly think some of the greatest prayers are below…

Lord help me to find contentment in you alone. 

Lord purify my heart and help me to walk in purity. 

Lord show me how to love like you. 

Lord prepare me for what you have for me. 

Lord help me to guard my heart. 

Lord help me to steward others hearts well. 

Lord give me wisdom and increased discernment. 

Lord fill all the voids with you. 

Lord heal my soul. 

Lord protect me from the wrong choices. 

Lord hold my heart and do not let me give it to the wrong person. 

Lord prepare the person you have for me. Cause our paths to cross at the perfect time. 

Lord help me to find my identity in you. 

Lord strengthen me where I am weak.


Final thoughts…

People are getting married later in life. I hear from ladies that Christian men do not pursue them. I hear from Christian guys they are clueless how to date or have been repeadily rejected. So this leaves an interesting dynamic for those desiring children. Some opt for online dating. I have seen this work out great for many and not so great for a few. Some pray and hope God sends someone. Some give up all together. 

I will say that God is good and withholds nothing good. God’s timing is not always ours. Yet I have seen over and over the faithfulness of God. May knowing God be the aim. Those who seek first the Kingdom will gain so much more. The greatest gift is God! 

Praying for you! God wants His very best for you, for all of us. 

Love, 

Erin Lamb 

Know Your True Enemy 

  
Morning Devotion: Understand your opponent. The key to continual victory is understanding your true enemy. 

People are not the enemy, though there are people who cooperate with the devil to accomplish his will on earth. He requires human agreement. 

People say Eve was gullible and that’s why the serpent chose to go to her first. I disagree. Eve was given the same mandate as Adam; fill and subdue the earth, have dominion (Genesis 1). She had authority. God did not say, “Adam have dominion, Eve go pick berries, clean the Garden, do whatever Adam tells you to do.” God said to both of them to have domion. 

God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”~Genesis 1:28. Notice He said, “Them” plural. 

Dominion Definition: sovereignty; control, authority, mastery, power, rule, government. 

The serpent did not need to deceive Adam. Scripture says Adam was with Eve when she ate from the tree (Genesis 3:6). Adam knowingly betrayed God, committed treason, and then blamed Eve. Why not go for the one who will knowingly betray God? 

Eve represented a part of what the devil hates; life, relationship. She was bone of Adam’s bone, flesh of his flesh. He would cleave to her. They would together enter into the first covenant between humans. They would together be fruitful and multiply, fill and subdue the earth, and have dominion together (Genesis 1). 

God had given them (Adam and Eve) a mandate that would continually crush the head of the serpent. They would together fill the earth with the glory of God and create more humans to worship God. 

The devil abhors the true worship of God. 

If you turn them against each other, it is the perfect set up for chaos, disorder, and dysfunction. Adam blamed Eve, and today women are one of the most persecuted people groups. It is challenging to see in America-though we have stats that show the validity of an issue. If you look to other parts of the world, you can see horrific abuse of women. 

If the one chosen to carry life (Eve) is turned on by the one chosen to protect life (Adam) you can destroy civilization. When a woman is pregnant she carries two lives, and one is quite vulnerable (baby). The mother is also going through some challenges as her body is changing to carry a life. God seeks to protect life. Satan desires to steal, kill, and destroy lives. 

Knowing your opponent…

Lucifer (the devil) is not God’s equal, he is far below God. He is a created being who turned evil due to pride (Isaiah 14:12-14). He had the ability to choose, just as we do. He was not created evil. 

He is to be under the feet of the born again believer. So no glory to him. He is a defeated, losing loser. Yet he is still deceiving the world, turning allies into enemies, trying to hijack identity, and use human authority. 

There are women today who are still living under the curse of Eve; stripped of Godly authority, feeling shamed, gullible, less than, and naive. Women who have been silenced or their voices condemned because of the actions of one woman. Jesus nailed the sins of Eve to the cross and took on every curse to restore what was lost in the Garden. Women believers are redeemed, joint heirs with Jesus, empowered, and have the same access to God as their male counterparts. 

There are men today who are still living under the curse Adam; stripped of Godly authority, betraying God and looking after their own interests. Men who have had Godly masculinity replaced with with worldly masculinity, pride, lust, and ego. Jesus nailed the sins of Adam to the cross and took on every curse to restore what was lost in the Garden. Men believers are redeemed, and can walk in the same character traits of Jesus through abiding and intimacy with God (John 15:4-5). 

It is a good time for men and women to be restored to Godly identity pre the fall, to work as allies, and see the fulfillment of God’s mandate on earth. No us vs. them. It’s team Jesus; unified allies representing God in the earth. Each created in the unique expression of God. Each uniquely and passionately loved. Each redeemed through the blood of Jesus. 

Let’s end with a look at the nature of our true enemy, the fallen angel Lucifer-also known as the devil. 

He is: 

  • A liar 
  • A deceiver 
  • A murderer 
  • A control freak 
  • A pervert (twisting God’s trust and will) 
  • A divider (he loves division) 
  • A manipulator 
  • An imitator (he takes what God has created and perverts it into something unintended or wrong) 
  • A coward 
  • A user and abuser 
  • A destroyer 
  • A thief 
  • A blasphemer 
  • An accuser 
  • An instigator
  • A bully 

He is: 

  • Full of pride, self exaltation
  • Full of ego 
  • Full of selfishness (he would be considered a narcissist or sociopath) 
  • Full of jealousy and envy 
  • Full of hatred (there is no love in him) 
  • Full of lust/immorality/lawlessness/sexual perversion
  • Full of deceit (he is the Father of lies) 
  • Full of desire to dominate, force his will on people 
  • Full of fear  
  • Full of anger and rage
  • Full of offense 
  • Full of criticism  

He hates: 

  • God 
  • Humans 
  • Women (targets women/motherhood/identity/authority/purity)
  • Men (targets men to lead them to surrender their Godly masculinity/authority to lust, anger, selfishness, pride, independence from God and others) 
  • Life
  • Unity 
  • Relationship/community 
  • Purity 
  • Hope
  • Encouragement
  • Godly prayer/intercession 
  • Holiness 
  • Humility 
  • Love 
  • Godly covenant
  • Holy sex (inside covenant between a natural born man and woman)  
  • Family 
  • The True Body of Christ 
  • True disciples of Jesus 
  • Intimacy with God 
  • Worship of God 
  • Exaltation of Jesus 

He lacks: 

  • Genuine compassion
  • Agape love (unselfish, sacrificial, unselfish love) 

He enjoys: 

  • Starting fights/strife
  • Death
  • Religious activities void of the power and love of God 
  • Perversion
  • Sexual sin 
  • Oppression 
  • Stealing joy, hope from people 
  • Doing bad things and watching people blame God or each other 
  • Activity not birthed from intimacy with God 
  • Insecurity 
  • Guilt, shame 
  • Rejection 
  • Torment 
  • Affliction 
  • Embarrassing people/humiliation 
  • Using people 
  • Depression 
  • Poverty/lack 

God is 100% good. We see the true nature of the Father in His Son Jesus. God is love. He is for humanity. May you and I know our true enemy. May we walk in the Spirit and be allies with other believers. May our identities be restored to their pre-fall state. May we rise up in our God given authority and stand with God for holy dominion and expanse of His Kingdom on earth. 

Knowing Jesus Leads to Confidence!

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We’ve spent months studying identity in Christ and insecurity. It’s easy to talk about insecurity. It’s quite another to walk out of insecurity and into confidence.

Here are some of things that work against confidence:

1. Caring what people think. The Bible says the fear of man is a snare or trap (Prov. 29:25). No matter what you do, there will be someone, somewhere who has a problem with you. You’re not living for people. You’re living for God. We don’t know our own hearts or motives, therefore people aren’t the best judges of one another. God can see the heart fully.

2. Fear of being arrogant or prideful. Someone decided teaching people they are worthless honors God. Nothing is further from the truth. Insulting a painting doesn’t glorify the Artist. Why would you come to save something of no value? Jesus gave His life because of God’s great love for people.

Pride says, “I’m self made. I’m more important than others. It’s all about me.” Confidence says, “God made me, and He doesn’t make junk. I am who God says I am and can do what He says I can do. I’m significant and so are you!” Arrogance is selfish and self centered, confidence serves others.

3. Trying to fix yourself! The truth is intimacy with God leads to confidence. Reading the Bible, positive self talk, reading books about confidence; these are all good things. The best thing is relationship and intimacy with God. As we behold Him, we become like Him. Being with God, abiding in Him, leads to fruit! Jesus was not and is not insecure. God is confident.

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4. Looking to sources other than God for identity. We have talked quite a bit about this. Society tries to switch the focus to beauty, youth, success, money, relationships, or sex. If God is not the source of identity, our identity is on shifting sands.

5. Rely on feelings! I’ve heard more people say, “I don’t feel…fill in the blank.” Feelings are not always a good indication of truth. Feelings are not bad.They can work for or against you. God’s word is truth.

Many times the heart needs a truth encounter. We are called to live by the Spirit not be led by the Flesh. This is a process that develops through intimacy with God.

Final Thoughts:

Jesus didn’t come to beat us down; He came to lift us up.

Confidence is thanking God for who He created us to be. As a loving Father, He doesn’t want us to insult or undervalue what He created and who He loves.

We are so blessed in Christ! He has given us so much through relationship with Him.

Jesus paid for us to have confidence in Him! Apart from Him we have nothing, with Him we have everything! Live confident, bold, and fearless in Him.

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I Know God Is, but Who Am I?

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So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them,~Genesis 1:27.

God raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus,~Ephesians 2:6.

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world,~1 John 4:4.

It’s impossible to know who we are without first knowing the One we were fashioned after, God. We are not demi gods. We are made in His image.

Without God it is impossible to have a secure identity or freedom from fear.

All insecurity can be tied back to fear. Fear of not being good enough, not having enough, not measuring up, not being powerful or safe, fear of being judged, ridiculed, rejected, or abandoned.

Fear says, “God is not who He says He is. God might not or will not come through for you. You are not who God says you are!”

Fear aims to keep us focused on who we are not instead of who we are in Christ.

Jesus didn’t just go to the cross to save our souls, though that’s a tremendous gift and blessing. He raised us up, deposited His Spirit in us, and invited us to do what He did (live an empowered life, be His disciples, and disciple others).

God empowered us! We were never meant to be hopeless, downtrodden, powerless, beat up by the enemy, or despondent. Jesus defeated the enemy on the cross, then handed us great authority in His name.

So why do so many Christians feel chronically defeated?

Life can beat on the strongest of souls. Feeling defeated or insecure can occur when we believe the lie that something or someone is more powerful than God, when we forgot who our Heavenly Father is, or we’ve forgotten or failed to realize who we are in Him.

God in us is not defeated!:

The Greater One lives in us. He’s not coaching from the sidelines. The Coach lives in us! The Creator of the Universe is abiding in believers. He never leaves our side. We have a 24/7 live in comforter, counselor, advocate, and He’s better than a GPS or Google. He is not afraid or insecure.

I heard Pastor Bill Johnson say something that stuck with me…he said, “Believers may have the Holy Spirit, but does He have them?” We can quench the Holy Spirit. We can choose not to follow or listen to Him. He’s a gentleman. He won’t force His way. He’s not a control freak. Love doesn’t force it’s own way.

Final thoughts:

We are God’s workmanship! We have a reason to feel hopeful, encouraged, empowered, and without insecurity. God has given us incredible tools; His Spirit, relationship with Him, His Word, and other believers!

Who Are You In Christ?

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Last post I talked about humility is different from insecurity. It does not glorify God for us to demean humanity since He made us in His image (Genesis 1:27). We are actually insulting God when we put ourselves down or others. The value He placed on humanity was the life of His Son. The Father gave His most precious, valuable Son in exchange for us.

Once we are saved, we are given a new nature and identity. To focus on the old man is to deny the power of the cross. Yes, we still make mistakes, but our identity was changed when we chose by faith to follow Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:18, Galatians 2:20). He longs for us to live out of our new identity as sons and daughters of God. Here are some affirmations.

I am accepted…

I am God’s child, John 1:12.

As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus, John 15:15.

I have been justified, Romans 5:1.

I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit,1 Corinthians 6:17.

I have been bought with a price and I belong to God, 1Corinthians 6:19-20.

I am a member of Christ’s body,1 Corinthians 12:27.

I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child, Ephesians 1:3-8.

I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins, Colossians 1:13-14

I am complete in Christ, Colossians 2:9-10.

I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ, Hebrews 4:14-16.

I am secure…

I am free from condemnation, Romans 8:1-2.

I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances, Romans 8:28.

I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God, Romans 8:31-39.

I have been established, anointed and sealed by God, 2 Corinthians 1:21-22.

I am hidden with Christ in God, Colossians 3:1-4.

I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me, Philippians 1:6.

I am a citizen of heaven, Philippians 3:20.

I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind, 2 Timothy 1:7.

I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me, 1John 5:18.

I am significant…

I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life, John 15:5.

I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit, John 15:16.

I am God’s temple, 1 Corinthians 3:16.

I am a minister of reconciliation for God, 2 Corinthians 5:17-21.

I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm, Ephesians 2:6.

I am God’s workmanship, Ephesians 2:10.

I may approach God with freedom and confidence, Ephesians 3:12.

Sweet friends, the Bible contains so many promises and encouraging words about who we are in Christ. He made all things new, and He’s transforming us into the image of His Son. We have no confidence in ourselves, but boldness in who we are in Christ. “If we call ourselves sinners, we will be more prone to sin by faith. For as a man thinks and believes, so is he,” Bill Johnson. Lets think of ourselves as God does.

Prayer:

Father help us to keep our eyes on You. May we walk in Your version of humility, and love and accept ourselves as You do. Jesus died to free us, let us not become slaves to introspection, insecurity, fear, unbelief, shame, or condemnation. You call us chosen, holy, royal, and the apple of Your eye. Help us to live loved! Thank You for all things. In Jesus name, amen.

Labels (Killing Insecurity Series Part 9)

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What labels are defining you? My last post dealt with status. This post digs a little bit deeper. Our society is set up to place labels on us from birth. Think about it. The first label placed on you was about your gender and ethnicity. It’s a Caucasian baby girl or African American boy. On goes an identifying label.

Yes, knowing the gender and ethnicity of a baby is important…the point is we start out with the intent to categorize people.

We are taught the game in school, “Which one of these things doesn’t belong?” We learn that people who are different from us are not as valuable.

Humans use labels to set up a value system. Examples from history; boys are better than girls, popular is better than unpopular, one race or ethnic group is better than another, well educated or wealthy people are better than uneducated or poor people. Our labels divide and produce inequality. They are based on externals and promote pride or insecurity or division.

They are short or tall.

He or she is smart or unintelligent.

He or she is rich or poor.

They are black, or white, or brown, or…

He or she is good or bad!

They are beautiful or ugly.

They are an addict, pervert, monster, freak, or jerk.

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Some labels are good, some are harmful, and some are neutral. The problem with labels is that if we define ourselves or others by things that are not in line with God’s word it can lead to insecurity or pride. Let’s look at God’s Word.

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them, Genesis 1:27.

There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus, Galatians 3:28.

But now, this is what the LORD says– he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine, Isaiah 43:1.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light, 1 Peter 2:9.

When you read God’s word in it’s entirety, the message is: God loves all people and Jesus came to redeem mankind. Jesus died to free us and give us a new name and nature. The labels He places on us lead to God centered esteem. He calls us sons and daughters, made in His image (male and female), chosen, royal, His special possession, one in Christ, a holy nation, redeemed, forgiven, treasured, valuable, the apple of His eye, and loved with an everlasting love.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather bask in the labels God places on me. They cannot be taken away. I am the King’s Daughter, chosen, loved, and I bear His name.

So my encouragement is to strip off all the labels that are negative, harmful, and not in line with your God given identity. And do your best to not define others by things that cause division or are hurtful. May we have the eyes of our Heavenly Father. Jesus died for all!

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What’s Your Status? (Killing Insecurity Part 8)

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Today I wanted to touch on a topic that causes many people to be insecure. It’s the area of status. Two questions we normally ask adults are, “What do you do?” and “Are you married or seeing someone?” It’s easy even in a Christian environment to place a certain value on people or lack of value based on status (marital or financial).

I recall being in a ministry long ago with mostly married couples. The women when they found out I wasn’t married and did not have children, did not want to engage much with me. I’ve heard married women say, “I feel so sorry for all the single women out there. I’m so glad I’m not single.”

I don’t base my worth on being a wife or mom. However, I know women who do. If it’s not marriage or kids, it’s being successful. Some don’t enjoy life because they have not “arrived” at this place of ultimate status. The desire for marriage is not wrong, placing self worth in the ability to find someone is unhealthy.

Any source of identity or worth outside of Christ is an idol. Marriage, money, titles, or being a parent do not make a person more valuable. I truly believe the divorce rate being so high can partially be attributed to idolatry. God is our source. Anything He gives us in addition to Him is a means to thank Him more. He never intends to take second place to anyone.

You must not have any other god but me, Exodus 20:3.

If you are not the CEO at your company, if you’re not married or you are divorced, if you don’t have children, or the praise of your peers…you are valuable to God. Your worth is determined by who you are in Him. It is not determined by your status.

I’ve heard people teach you are half a person without a spouse, therefore you must get married. Jesus never taught this, nor did Paul. Marriage was God’s idea and when it’s done His way, with Him at the center, it’s a beautiful picture of creation.

Some will never marry, some will be widowed, some will choose service to God over marriage, some have the gift of singleness (read 1 Corinthians 7). Paul wrote the majority of the New Testament as a single person. Jesus never married. I often think if Jesus or Paul walked into our midst today, they would be rejected. Our culture celebrates the rich, beautiful, married, and successful.

Throughout history there are many singles who have done great things for God. Being single didn’t make them special, finding their identity and worth in Christ propelled them into a great destiny.

Whether married, single, tons of kids, no kids, rich, poor, successful or struggling, your worth is only determined by who you are in Christ. Everyone is loved in God’s Kingdom. There are no inferior people. You are so valuable and deeply loved.

May we as the Body of Christ treat every person with respect, honor, and dignity.