Breaking Cycles of Dysfunction in Relationships (Single and Following Jesus Series Part IX)

Have you been in a cycle of repeated bad relationships or you see your friends in those same dysfunctional relationships? Today is a day of breaking free.

I have asked the same questions about friendships or casual relationships, “Why is this type of person attracted to me? They have no qualities that match up.” That may seem harsh yet let me give some examples for clarity.

My nature is encouraging, supportive, and I pursue kindness. I want to see you win. I will be the most vocal cheerleader for you.

I wondered why those who were negative, critical, mean spirited, unsupportive, and hateful were drawn to me and why they turned their negativity on me.

I am going to tell you why. Are you ready?

1. Opposites Sometimes Do Attract.

You may be giving and attract a taker. You may be kind and attract someone rude. It is not always true that we attract who we are. You may be loving and attract someone critical, rude, mean.

2. Poor Boundaries.

People treat us the way we let them treat us. Some see meekness (strength under control) as weakness. If we do not set a boundary, “You may not treat me that way, you may not talk to me that way, no this is not okay,” then we invite disrespect. It’s a conversation that must start early, not months into the relationship.

I had a lady tell me once (long ago), “I know no matter how bad I treat you, you will always be there for me.” I thought to myself, “What kind of crazy have I signed up for.”

Loving someone does not mean you let them treat you poorly. That is called enabling. It is a form of codependency. Some think God is this way. He is not. His love does not change. He is not cheering when we misbehave. God sets boundaries-“If you do this, this is the result.” God allows natural consequences. He does not remove every consequence this side of heaven.

So with this lady, I pulled back from being her default when she had no boyfriend, the person who answered her calls in crisis. I removed myself from being a doormat under the umbrella of false love.

More examples:

I have an associate who is negative. This person loves to complain and focus on what is wrong. It drains me. I told the person this week, “I would love when we talk for it to be about something positive, goals, good things. What’s going right? There is enough crazy in the world, let’s be the change we wish to see.” I set a boundary. Please keep your constant complaining in your yard. Do I love this person, yes. Do I want to listen to hours of doom, gloom, negativity, gossip, he said/she said…no. I am not a garbage can.

I had a gentleman pursuing me who always wanted to wait until the last minute to set dates. I told him I would appreciate advance notice (not all the time-yet it was considerate to give others notice); texting me Friday afternoon to meet Friday night is a no go for constant meet ups. I set a boundary. He did not listen. So often he’d texted on Friday or Saturday afternoon and I was busy.

My female friend said it was a game to see if I was seeing other people. I am an adult. I only play games with actual children. Some may have thought that was cute. I did not. Maybe if we were a couple and had been dating awhile, yet not for someone I do not know well this was a no go and setting dates signifies value. Yes, be spontaneous…Also take the time to plan something. Gentlemen say, “I would love to see you Friday night, do you have plans?” That conversation happens before Friday. I am not clearing every weekend hoping a guy messages me. I have things to do.

If you make yourself so available to everyone, they will treat you like you have no value. If you do not value your time, value yourself, why should they? I am not saying play hard to get nor play games. I am saying if you do not respect and value your own time, others will not either.

Place God at the center. Would God want me treated this way? If not, why are you allowing it? How much time do I need to invest in this relationship? How much of my heart can they steward well? God knows.

If you have poor or low boundaries, then you will find disorder and dysfunction and poor treatment.

3. Quick to Trust and Dismissing Relational Red Flags.

I consider myself trustworthy. Therefore, I give people the benefit of the doubt. I have learned to pay attention. Watch people. Watch how they treat people. Watch how they talk about others. Do they tell everyone else’s business? They are not trustworthy with your business. Do they only show up when they need something? You are most likely a convenience. Do you make all the effort? You are in a one sided relationship. If they destroy others, do not think they will not do it to you.

Many times red flags are ignored under the, “I am a loving Christian.” Okay, be a loving Christian with wisdom. Wisdom says, “Bad company corrupts good character.” Wisdom says, “How can two be joined unless they agree?” Wisdom says, “Do not make partners with an angry person.” These are all in the Bible right along with love your neighbor. You can love someone without dating them, being close friends, being business or ministry partners, or marrying them.

One of my favorite quotes by Maya Angelou is as follows, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” Unless they want to change or God changes them, that is what you are dealing with in a partner or friend.

4. You Are Pulling All the Relational Weight

I love giving. I love giving with no expectation of return. Yet there is wisdom required in giving as well. Too much time spent together, too much closeness without commitment, too much investment without any investment back is a set up for dysfunction.

Jesus loves perfectly and in exchange for our freedom He gave His life. When we enter into covenant, God asks for our life. Please understand God is not just giving, giving, giving and expecting nothing. He asks for our entire lives. It’s a bigger commitment than an earthly marriage.

This thought that selfless giving is to lead to one sided relationships is not covenant love. Relationships were designed to be give and take. If one person is doing all the work, it’s not love. Both people are to pursue the best interests of the other.

I have seen overgiving lead to abuse; it attracts narcissists and abusive people. Why? They thrive on taking. Selfless givers with no boundaries are easy targets.

A person who loves you will want to bless you too.

I have met so many people angry because they trusted too quickly, fell in love with the idea of someone, ignored red flags, and were burned poorly in a relationship. If you pay attention, people show you who they are. Their mouth speaks what their heart is full of and their actions, if you watch closely, manifest their heart and how they feel about you.

Placing God at the center can save us loads of heartache.

God help me to choose the right associates, friends, confidants, mate. Help me to set godly boundaries and respect those of others. I want to be the best friend I can be to someone and want that in return. Help me to not only be a blessing, but to cease settling for less than what you would offer. Break every cycle of dysfunction in my life and relationships. The common denominator is me. Show me what I am allowing or the poor or low boundaries. Help me to stay centered in you and have the best relationships possible. God help me to be healthy in my soul and attract and maintain relationships with healthy people. Jesus break cycles of dysfunction and it starts with me. Change me so I guard my heart and live out of wisdom and love! In Jesus powerful name.

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Pursue Jesus and Use Wisdom (Single & Following Jesus Series Part VIII)

For the Lord God is a Sun and Shield; the Lord bestows [present] grace and favor and [future] glory (honor, splendor, and heavenly bliss)! No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly,~Psalm 84:11.

“Get [skillful and godly] wisdom! Acquire understanding [actively seek spiritual discernment, mature comprehension, and logical interpretation]!

Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not turn away from her (Wisdom) and she will guard and protect you;

Love her, and she will watch over you,”~Proverbs 4:5-6.

Wisdom is so vital in all of life.

Believers are encouraged to follow Jesus and acquire wisdom. The pursuit of wisdom is not for demonic wisdom; the wisdom of this age is not always in alignment with God.

Godly wisdom is pure, full of truth, love, and has the best interests of everyone involved considered. Godly wisdom is holy; it is without sin.

Our culture promotes immorality and sensuality. It is ungodly. The movies and tv promote immorality without ever truly showing the depths of the consequences for immoral choices.

Our culture also promotes the lie that sex or marriage will complete a person.

As stated last post, casual sex is promoted. Not only is casual sex promoted so is love at first sight, magical/mystical/over romanced/over sexualized relationships. Many of these relationships disregard wisdom, true God love, or God’s truths. They sound good, may look good, yet they do not hold onto goodness as you fast forward to when reality sets into the picture.

Ex: Henry and Julie who fell in love find out a year later after the honeymoon period is over that they have nothing in common that’s not physical, they the thrill is gone, they fight over money, they hate each other’s families, and they are miserable. This scenario rarely makes it to the big screen. Henry and Julie maybe pursued lust/feelings over wisdom and love. Then we see them break up (if unmarried) or divorce.

Follow Jesus:

Jesus is love, therefore pursuing God is pursuing love. God helps us to love ourselves and others. When God is first, the voids in our lives are filled by God. We then make decisions out of unselfish, sacrificial love not lust (which is about pleasing self), selfishness, desperation, or loneliness. God fills all the empty places so we enter relationships prepared to give, not with our hands out to receive or be made whole by an imperfect human. Only God can completely fill the voids of the soul and spirit. God solidifies identity, not a mate.

When God is first, He can bring in an equal complement/companion. Otherwise there may be a temptation to pursue a match that is less that God’s best. There are no perfect people, there are God matches that are better together than apart.

Wisdom says, “Will the relationship add value for both people? Is God at the center? Can we grow together? Is there mutual effort? Are we headed the same direction? How does this person handle life, conflict, money? Would God or my close friends/family choose this person for me? Is this person even interested in a lifelong partnership with me? Can we be allies? Are we friends?

If things do not work out, are we leaving the person in better shape than they were before they met us? Or are they in need of deep inner healing after connecting to us? Seriously think about what you bring to the table. Is it good? Does it add value?

The people who engage in sex outside of marriage are robbing a future spouse of intimacy with that person and their own future spouse. The one who engages in pornography is robbing themselves of deep intimacy and understanding of what God intended with sex. His design was always about love; unselfish, committed, holy, powerful, intimate, sacrificial love. The devil invites people to cheapen the most intimate act between a man and woman.

Love is willing to slow down and pray. Love is willing to evaluate the situation and relationship with God. Love wants to keep God in first place. Love pursues purity. Love is willing to set boundaries that offer protection of both people. Love is who God is.

Pursue Wisdom:

Let’s venture into another part of process, pursuing wisdom. I have met many people hurt because they forsook wisdom.

Ex: Susie likes John so she starts having dreams that he is the one. Obviously God speaks in dreams, so she should grab ahold to that dream and start planning their wedding in her head (not wisdom). Hit the mega pause button. I have seen women do this and ignore the actions of John. John is a jerk and mistreats everyone, yet there is this dream/prophetic word-so Susie holds on for dear life only to find out later John never wanted to marry her, or worse they get married and he’s an abuser.

Red Alert: Every dream, vision, prophetic word needs tested. Every single one. Do not just run with a “word” or “impression” or “dream” without testing it to see if it’s truly God. I do not care who the prophet was who gave that word, it needs tested and confirmed. The devil speaks and can invade dreams, impressions, visions.

If you think you heard from God about someone, pray and put that word on the shelf. I recommend praying, “God show me who this person really is,” and watching them. How do they treat you? Do you always initiate contact? Do they invest in you at all? How does being with this person impact your life? Are you constantly confused about where you stand with that person? Are they controlling, mean, unloving? Do they treat you with love, respect, honor?

Too many times people fall for who they want someone to be instead of who they really are. Would you let your best friend marry someone like the person you are interested in? If not, why are you in that relationship?

I have seen women chase men like they are Jesus then end up disappointed they are rejected. Relationships are not mean to be like the animal kingdom; chase, pursue, conquer. They are supposed to be about love. Love involves mutual pursuit.

Evaluate your relationship:

Is your relationship life giving? Or are you in tears or upset most of the time? God wants His very best for you, for everyone. God ordained matchups still have challenges, they should not be loaded with confusion, uncertainty, abuse, pain, and suffering.

I have also seen both men and women cling to the idea that someone loves them or is interested in them who will not commit to them nor express their intentions.

Ex: Karla has been into Jerry for years. Jerry flirts and is nice yet has never asked her on a date, never expressed interest, and does nothing to initiate contact or getting to know each other. Karla is convinced his flirting when he sees her is more than it is.

I work in a predominately male environment and they have told me, “We flirt because it’s fun. It makes us feel good.” Therefore there is no intention of a relationship. For the unsaved person there may be an intention of a hook up, but not marriage or a serious relationship.

Get Wisdom! Ask for discernment.

“Discernment is more than the ability to differentiate between right and wrong. It is the ability to differentiate between right and almost right.”

Wisdom looks at the future as well as the present. Wisdom prays and seeks godly counsel. Wisdom is a life preserver. Wisdom says, “Where is God in this situation? Are we are good match? Spiritually are we on the same page? Can we grow together? Is this someone God would choose for me? Are my God expectations on this person when they should be on God? How does this person treat people, including me? Does this person demonstrate any of the fruit of the Spirit?”

Papa God I pray every unmarried person pursues Jesus and wisdom. I bind any spirits of impatience, deception, selfishness, lust, false dreams/false prophecies, and declare soul health. Come Lord Jesus and fill every soul with your love, peace, joy, and purity. Fill every person to overflowing. Impart godly wisdom and truth. Help each person make wise decisions about relationships. Prepare each person for what you have for them. Heal all past relational wounding, in Jesus powerful name. Amen.

Response to Why Are You Still Single? (Single & Following Jesus Part V)


Aloha friends, 

So one of the frequent questions given to singles is “Why are you single?” It might be followed by a, “You are so beautiful/handsome. You are such a great person,” or a “Let me set you up with my (coworker, friend, this person I know, or a complete stranger).” 

Sometimes the person is unbelieveably rude and says something like, “I am so glad I found someone,” or “You better get moving the clock is ticking.” 

I had a lady tell me once she could never be me because I did not have anyone. Well, she was soon single. Her husband was caught cheating. As a matter of fact every woman who has looked down on me for being single ended up divorced/betrayed. No, I did not wish bad things on them. 

Their comments do not bother me. Why? I truly like who I am. With or without a mate, I like myself. A partner is not a means to validate my self worth. 

Some pity you. Some judge you. Some try to set you up on awful blind dates. Some assume all you do is think about marriage. There are healthy ways to deal. 

How do you deal? 

Well, offense is an option or a snarky comment. Don’t let the spirit of slap get you. 😉


The high road is understanding being single is not a curse nor will marriage fix everything. Marriage adds responsibilities, involves compromise, and is best suited for two people ready to attempt to love unselfishly. 

Paul stated very clearly that the married person focuses on their spouse while the single person has undivided focus on God. 

I really want to get married, what do I do? 

I enjoy being single, except at weddings and around certain people. Then I wish I had a fake spouse to bypass the akwardness. 🙂 Yet I know it is a great desire in the hearts of many. So here are some tidbits. 

1. Get comfy with who you are

Confidence attracts great things. 

Being single can cause some insecurity for some-the world is wondering why no one has chosen you. You may wonder this too. Yet know there are plenty of people married to the wrong person or in hellish marriages because they were impatient. They post like it’s bliss on Social Media, yet know of several faking the funk per say. 

The right thing for a person at the wrong time is still the wrong thing. 

2. Know God cares about the desires of your heart and His abilities trump a biological clock. 

I know people who married later in life and have amazing marriages. They had kids over 40, had the income to support those kids, and were mature enough to handle the marriage. When God gives gifts, they are custom. Custom gifts are not always quick or immediate. One can go create an Ishmael situation or wait on God/seek God for Issac. 

But my biological clock is like a time bomb! 

Abraham and Sarah are prime examples of God’s ability to defy biology. God created the body. God can do what people say cannot be done. I know most do not want their story to be that of Abraham and Issac. I simply wanted to encourage you that God is not limited. 

The desires of a person’s heart placed in the hands of God is the safest place they can be. 

3. Ask why you want to be married?

Selfishness is the thief of love, God love. If marriage is a means to fit in, fill a void, forgo lonliness, or deal with lust-those are the wrong motives. 

Marriage amplifies who a person is. Any issues hidden come bubbling up. What if that spouse get’s disfigured, can not meet physical needs, gets an illness…what then? What if for better or worse becomes the worse? If the objective is not to unselfishly love and honor someone for life, well relational breakdown occurs. 

4. Pray

There are people who say pray for your future spouse. I am not opposed to this. I truly think some of the greatest prayers are below…

Lord help me to find contentment in you alone. 

Lord purify my heart and help me to walk in purity. 

Lord show me how to love like you. 

Lord prepare me for what you have for me. 

Lord help me to guard my heart. 

Lord help me to steward others hearts well. 

Lord give me wisdom and increased discernment. 

Lord fill all the voids with you. 

Lord heal my soul. 

Lord protect me from the wrong choices. 

Lord hold my heart and do not let me give it to the wrong person. 

Lord prepare the person you have for me. Cause our paths to cross at the perfect time. 

Lord help me to find my identity in you. 

Lord strengthen me where I am weak.


Final thoughts…

People are getting married later in life. I hear from ladies that Christian men do not pursue them. I hear from Christian guys they are clueless how to date or have been repeadily rejected. So this leaves an interesting dynamic for those desiring children. Some opt for online dating. I have seen this work out great for many and not so great for a few. Some pray and hope God sends someone. Some give up all together. 

I will say that God is good and withholds nothing good. God’s timing is not always ours. Yet I have seen over and over the faithfulness of God. May knowing God be the aim. Those who seek first the Kingdom will gain so much more. The greatest gift is God! 

Praying for you! God wants His very best for you, for all of us. 

Love, 

Erin Lamb 

Merry Christmas (Celebrating a King)

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Photo credit: Pinterest

For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the greatness of his government and peace
there will be no end.
He will reign on David’s throne
and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
with justice and righteousness
from that time on and forever,~Isaiah 9:6-7.

Merry Christmas to you and your families. Christmas is a time to reflect on the greatest gift ever given to humanity, Jesus. A King left Paradise to come and save a sinful world. He humbled Himself to take the lowest place, that of a babe. A child is dependent on others for care, protection, and provision. A babe cannot speak and is helpless in many ways.

The King of the Universe came into the world to bless the world. He wasn’t born into wealth. He left the riches of heaven for the poverty of earth.

Jesus is the gift who continues to give to the world. He’s continuing to bless the world. This glorious King is alive and pursuing the hearts of His people.

If you do not know Him personally, I invite you to get to know Jesus. Relationship with Him begins with the Father drawing us, acknowledging a need for Him, confessing our sins, repenting, and believing that He is the Son of God. He came for love. He came for you! God pursues to love!

If this season brings you stress, strain, pain, or grief, know that Jesus lives to intercede for you. He loves you! You are so deeply loved. Jesus said, “Come to Me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” My prayers are with you as well.

Sweet friends, God loves you. He SO loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son so whosoever will believe in Him will have everlasting life!

Merry Christmas!

Love,

Erin

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Hearing God

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John 10:22-30

Then came the Festival of Dedication at Jerusalem. It was winter, and Jesus was in the temple courts walking in Solomon’s Colonnade. The Jews who were there gathered around him, saying, “How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly.”

Jesus answered, “I did tell you, but you do not believe. The works I do in my Father’s name testify about me, but you do not believe because you are not my sheep. My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.”

There are people who believe God no longer speaks to His children. There are those who believe God only speaks to certain people. There are those who believe God is always speaking.

I used to fall into the category of believing God only spoke to certain people. I’d hear people say, “I had this dream, vision, thought, or heard this voice and I just knew it was God.” It puzzled and intrigued me. I wanted to talk to God and be able to hear a reply.

My journey started in my late teens when I picked up a Tommy Tenney book. He quoted so many scriptures on how God longs for ALL His children to hear from Him. I was excited and determined.

Then I started praying, “God I would love to hear Your voice.

What happened next? To me it seemed like a whole lot of nothing at first. There was silence…so I thought.

Then I’d notice someone would say something that hit right home with what I needed to hear. I learned God speaks through people. Of course we take what’s said and weigh it against truth…yet sometimes we are waiting for a loud voice from the sky and God is speaking through the people placed in our lives.

There were circumstances that seemed to point towards or away from things I was pursuing. I learned God speaks and works through circumstances! Sometimes people are waiting to hear an audible voice from God when He’s showing them through situations the thing they are pursuing is not wise. It takes prayer and discernment for some situations.

Here’s a good example: a person keeps overspending yet they’re praying for God to speak a word about finances. The obvious answer is don’t spend what you don’t have and to ask God for willpower.

Here’s another example: a person wonders if they should date or be friends with someone. The person’s behavior is consistently questionable. There’s not really a need to ask God for a yes or no. He allows you to see the behavior and choose for yourself.

God’s Word/Intersecting Thoughts:

I noticed Bible verses would pop into my mind, thoughts of God’s love, or people would cross my mind to pray for to contact. I learned God speaks to our hearts and minds through intersecting thoughts. He speaks in ways we often dismiss. He’s not yelling; He’s speaking and prompting.

I started dating and documenting dreams, words, intersecting thoughts, impressions, visions, and any time I felt God was speaking. There are journals in my house going back 15 years. Over time and with prayer, there’s an increased awareness of God’s voice. There are things that were spoken over my life that did not happen for years. Some I forgot about and when journals were revisited, there was the initial word.

God Longs For You To Hear Him:

God speaks! And He longs to speak to you. I’m not a special person with a super hotline to God. Hearing from Him is a privilege of EVERY believer. Every healthy relationship is rooted in communication. God longs to talk to every one of His children.

That being said…there are people who fear they are making things up or if they tell people God speaks it opens the floodgates for chaos.

Here are some tips:

1. God will not tell you to sin. Examples: God will not tell you to lie, steal, cheat, gossip, complain, maliciously hurt people or yourself, commit adultery or fornication, etc.. I had someone tell me once God told them it was okay to sin. That’s not God’s character or nature.

2. Filter what’s being said through love. Not our human love. God’s love. Is it truthful? Exalting God? Redemptive? Hopeful? A warning to lead to repentance? Filled with grace? Does it match God’s character? Would it be something you’d imagine Jesus would say?

3. Study the Bible and how God spoke to and through people. Especially look at the words of Jesus.

4. If sharing with someone else what you believe God’s placed on your heart, it’s a good practice to say…”I feel or believe this is what God has placed on my heart.” Especially if you have no history with that person. It also gives the person the opportunity to reject what you’ve said if it isn’t quite accurate. The Bible says all prophesy is to be tested.

5. Measure by the table below:

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For the Ladies (Killing Insecurity)

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Today’s post is dedicated to the ladies! You are beautiful, chosen, loved, adored, pursued, cared for, and the apple of God’s eye.

This post is about insecurity. Insecurity is a poison that contaminates relationships and destroys it’s host. It seeps into every area of the heart seeking to place the focus on self instead of on God. Insecurity is the root that produces the fruits of fear, jealousy, bitterness, envy, control, manipulation, rejection, competition, paranoia, and more. Insecurity is not from God. Insecurity says, “God doesn’t have enough. God doesn’t love me enough. God is not able or faithful. I am not enough. Everyone else is better than me. I must have or do ______ in order to be okay.

The truth is: You are made in the image of God. You are His workmanship created for His glory. You are a Princess because your Father is the King of the Universe.

The world works diligently to make people insecure. The media is filled with images of people who are elevated to look perfect and be perfect. If you do not fit the mold, then you are less than. The news is filled with bad news: the world is ending, everything is bad, be afraid, be worried, save your money…you can’t  trust anything or anyone. Even the church can be a place where we are made to feel we must be something other than who we are in order to be loved and accepted. A place that is supposed to be welcoming, accepting, and filled with love can often be a place of judgment, criticism, comparisons, and competition as well. The message is not, “Be like Christ,” it’s “Be like me.” In the world we are loved if we behave a certain way or fit into a certain mold. In God’s eyes, we are loved despite who we are, and He works to change us into who He wants us to be.

One of the diseases that’s killing us is insecurity. Insecurity causes us to look down on others to lift ourselves up. It’s insecurity that causes us to gossip about people. Insecurity causes us to be highly critical of others instead of dealing with ourselves. It is insecurity that causes us to not stand up for what we believe. Insecurity causes us to be filled with jealousy, envy, strife, offense, prejudice, fear, and hatred. When we don’t know our own value and worth, we cannot value, celebrate, or honor anyone else. 

So, what’s the cure:

  • Jesus! A relationship with God. He is the One who created everything and everyone. The value of something is determined by how much someone is willing to pay for it. God sent His only Son to die for all of mankind. The price for each person was paid with the highest price, the life of Jesus. We become like the One we worship. If we worship God, spend time with Him, allow Him to speak into our lives, then we have a more secure foundation. Jesus was not insecure. He knew who He was and who His Daddy was. He was confident.
  • Repentance. I know it seems radical to repent for being insecure. The repentance is going to God and saying, “I repent for saying Your assessment of me was not valid. I repent for making the opinions of other people more valuable than Yours. I repent for allowing the world to define who I am instead of allowing You to define who I am. Help me to see myself through your eyes.
  • Identity in Christ. Nothing we try to find our identity in other than God is stable: not money, not relationships, not marriage, not work, not achievements, not ministry, not serving, not the opinions of people, not looks or beauty, not the stock market, not our political beliefs, not ourselves, not children or our roles as mothers. There is nothing and no one who provides a stable, solid foundation outside of Jesus. All other ground is sinking sand.

It’s not about self-help or pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. The Gospel is about abiding in Christ and allowing Him to do the hard work. He creates lasting change. Relationship with God will always trump doing for Him. It is out of being that we begin to do. For what moves His heart begins to move ours. His thoughts invade ours. Fears melt away in the presence of unfailing love.

Final Notes/Testimony:

A good portion of my life I felt as though something bad was about to happen because for a good portion of my life bad things continually happened. I watched my best friend and mum die from cancer. I helped another close family member for 7 years through sickness, surgeries, pain, and losing everything. While other young people were having fun, I was sitting in hospitals. The promises of God were in my mind, but it took a long time for them to navigate to my heart. My circumstances did not line up with God’s promises.

Faith is not about our feelings, and it isn’t a fake it until you make it either. Experience with God builds our security in Him, hence Him inviting us into relationship.

Even today I feel more secure with God than I do with people. For experiences with people have left devastation and pain. It took time for God to remove labels people had placed on me and for me to accept His voice above all the mockers. It takes an effort for me to engage with some people, but God lovingly draws me out and says, “Love again.” It’s another situation where positive things are in my head, but they are slowly navigating to the heart. There are some really good people in the world! There are some really encouraging people in the world. It’s a journey and process.

It is a process to allow the love of God to flow in and out. It takes time to get to know God. We will not trust someone we don’t know. We will not be secure in a relationship with someone we don’t know. So the ever-increasing desire is to know God more! I pray the same for you too! You are deeply loved, today and always.

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Humpty Dumpty (You Can Recover)

The great nursery rhyme says:

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the kings horses and all the king’s men

Could not put Humpty Dumpty back together again….
 
I heard a quote I liked. It said, “Don’t tell other people your problems. Twenty (20) percent of the people don’t want to hear them and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.” God is not like people, you can tell Him your problems, and He will not grow tired. He will lead you out of self pity to victory, but He never, ever turns away those who mourn.

Here’s the truth as I see it.

Life will push you off the wall. People will push you off the wall. No matter what you do, how well you believe, how much you love God, bad things happen to all people. If nothing bad has happened to you, then no offense but you live a very safe and sheltered life. Jesus said, “In the world, you WILL have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world.” The more ground you are taking from darkness, the bigger the target on your head. That does not mean we should live afraid. We are more than conquerors through Christ who gives us strength. It does mean we can anticipate some bumps along the way.

I have unfortunately and fortunately had to learn most things about God via experience. Those who have known me a long time know that the there have been some hellish experiences along the way. Some I wish to never relive (including car accidents that cost me cars and physical/emotional traumas), three family members to die just this year, more relational trauma than a normal person should ever have to endure, etc….It is only by the grace of God that I am not completely out of my ever loving mind. Our God is able!

The Good News:

The Good News is, God is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

No matter how bad it hurts today, He can and will put you back together again! No matter how many pieces your life has been shattered into, God specializes in calling dead things to life and calling something out of nothing. He created Adam from the dust. He spoke the world into existence. The Universe proclaims the splendor of the works of His hands. With one word, one encounter, God can turn your situation completely around! He is not limited by anyone or anything.

Closing thoughts:

There is joy bubbling out of my soul that is unexplainable, and not fully expressible. I know our Redeemer lives, and He is the Healer. There is nothing God can’t do.

Joy is your inheritance. Jesus paid for it! He said: 

For those who grieve in Zion—God will bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor! Isaiah 61:3 

God is faithful to His word! No word from Him ever fails, but accomplishes every single thing it is sent out to do!

Blessings and love for your futures…

God knows the plans He has for you, not to harm you, but to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Erin