Response to Why Are You Still Single? (Single & Following Jesus Part V)


Aloha friends, 

So one of the frequent questions given to singles is “Why are you single?” It might be followed by a, “You are so beautiful/handsome. You are such a great person,” or a “Let me set you up with my (coworker, friend, this person I know, or a complete stranger).” 

Sometimes the person is unbelieveably rude and says something like, “I am so glad I found someone,” or “You better get moving the clock is ticking.” 

I had a lady tell me once she could never be me because I did not have anyone. Well, she was soon single. Her husband was caught cheating. As a matter of fact every woman who has looked down on me for being single ended up divorced/betrayed. No, I did not wish bad things on them. 

Their comments do not bother me. Why? I truly like who I am. With or without a mate, I like myself. A partner is not a means to validate my self worth. 

Some pity you. Some judge you. Some try to set you up on awful blind dates. Some assume all you do is think about marriage. There are healthy ways to deal. 

How do you deal? 

Well, offense is an option or a snarky comment. Don’t let the spirit of slap get you. 😉


The high road is understanding being single is not a curse nor will marriage fix everything. Marriage adds responsibilities, involves compromise, and is best suited for two people ready to attempt to love unselfishly. 

Paul stated very clearly that the married person focuses on their spouse while the single person has undivided focus on God. 

I really want to get married, what do I do? 

I enjoy being single, except at weddings and around certain people. Then I wish I had a fake spouse to bypass the akwardness. 🙂 Yet I know it is a great desire in the hearts of many. So here are some tidbits. 

1. Get comfy with who you are

Confidence attracts great things. 

Being single can cause some insecurity for some-the world is wondering why no one has chosen you. You may wonder this too. Yet know there are plenty of people married to the wrong person or in hellish marriages because they were impatient. They post like it’s bliss on Social Media, yet know of several faking the funk per say. 

The right thing for a person at the wrong time is still the wrong thing. 

2. Know God cares about the desires of your heart and His abilities trump a biological clock. 

I know people who married later in life and have amazing marriages. They had kids over 40, had the income to support those kids, and were mature enough to handle the marriage. When God gives gifts, they are custom. Custom gifts are not always quick or immediate. One can go create an Ishmael situation or wait on God/seek God for Issac. 

But my biological clock is like a time bomb! 

Abraham and Sarah are prime examples of God’s ability to defy biology. God created the body. God can do what people say cannot be done. I know most do not want their story to be that of Abraham and Issac. I simply wanted to encourage you that God is not limited. 

The desires of a person’s heart placed in the hands of God is the safest place they can be. 

3. Ask why you want to be married?

Selfishness is the thief of love, God love. If marriage is a means to fit in, fill a void, forgo lonliness, or deal with lust-those are the wrong motives. 

Marriage amplifies who a person is. Any issues hidden come bubbling up. What if that spouse get’s disfigured, can not meet physical needs, gets an illness…what then? What if for better or worse becomes the worse? If the objective is not to unselfishly love and honor someone for life, well relational breakdown occurs. 

4. Pray

There are people who say pray for your future spouse. I am not opposed to this. I truly think some of the greatest prayers are below…

Lord help me to find contentment in you alone. 

Lord purify my heart and help me to walk in purity. 

Lord show me how to love like you. 

Lord prepare me for what you have for me. 

Lord help me to guard my heart. 

Lord help me to steward others hearts well. 

Lord give me wisdom and increased discernment. 

Lord fill all the voids with you. 

Lord heal my soul. 

Lord protect me from the wrong choices. 

Lord hold my heart and do not let me give it to the wrong person. 

Lord prepare the person you have for me. Cause our paths to cross at the perfect time. 

Lord help me to find my identity in you. 

Lord strengthen me where I am weak.


Final thoughts…

People are getting married later in life. I hear from ladies that Christian men do not pursue them. I hear from Christian guys they are clueless how to date or have been repeadily rejected. So this leaves an interesting dynamic for those desiring children. Some opt for online dating. I have seen this work out great for many and not so great for a few. Some pray and hope God sends someone. Some give up all together. 

I will say that God is good and withholds nothing good. God’s timing is not always ours. Yet I have seen over and over the faithfulness of God. May knowing God be the aim. Those who seek first the Kingdom will gain so much more. The greatest gift is God! 

Praying for you! God wants His very best for you, for all of us. 

Love, 

Erin Lamb 

Killing Insecurity (God Wants You Confident!)

  
I wrote this post primarily for women, yet it may encourage men too. I will get back to the relationship series. My next post in that series will most likely be on sacred sex-God’s original design for physical intimacy. 

This post is to encourage the hearts of women to slay insecurity. 

Morning warriors for Jesus! 

Oh my, you are treasures. You are loved, cherished, and celebrated in heaven. You were and are God’s creative design. You mean SO much to Him. Do you believe that? I hope so. I hope today to share some of His word, His heart, and some of my heart. I hope you walk away encouraged. I hope and pray any lies the enemy planted in your heart are uprooted forever. When we believe lies, we empower the Liar. Jesus defeated him already, let’s not partner with him. 

Here goes…

Being a woman is a gift. We represent a side of God that man does not. We are not better than men, nor or we less than. Our value is far beyond our sex appeal, sexual organs, outward appearance, reproductive abilities, or the status of wife/mom. It may blow you away to know God values more than our flesh. 

I’m an observer, it helps in science. I notice women are mostly applauded for outward beauty (which is subjective to whoever is choosing), sexual appeal, her ability to please/support/serve a man, or her ability to be a wife or mother. There are less women being celebrated for simply loving God, courage, stamina, creativity, uniqueness, humility, etc…

What if you’re not society’s view of beautiful or sexy? 

What if you’re not the ideal size, measurements, or hair color/eye color combo? 

What if you have a few or many grey hairs or wrinkles? 

What if your contribution to society is different? 

What if your IQ isn’t the highest, genius level? 

What if you aren’t able to have children? 

What if you’re single, widowed, or divorced? 

What if you don’t have a mega ministry? Or a Fortune 500 company?
What if you aren’t rich? 

What if your earthly family or history is filled with brokenness? 

What if you don’t fit into social cliches or popular groups?  

What if your ethnic group is looked down upon or oppressed in society? 

What if you are a wife and mom and that’s your primary focus? 

Well…

There’s no marriage or sex in heaven. There are also no beauty contests. There’s no IQ test. There are no personal companies to run. There is no disparity; social, economic, or by ethnicity. 

What then will woman be doing? What was she truly created for? Oh I love this part. She will love and reign with Christ forever. She will see herself and God without the tainting of sin. She will be respected and honored for who she is. She will worship God forever. 

More good news: God created us for Him! We were created to know Him, love Him, enjoy Him, find life in Him, and be with Him. You and I were His idea. Each person has a unique role in His Kingdom. There are no inferior people. And men will not dominate women in heaven or vice versa. 

I don’t believe I’ve heard many sermons on what we will actually be doing in heaven that’s straight from the Bible. I’ve heard people talk about their dreams/visions. Yet I love the word of God. Yes! 

  • We will live in Paradise (Luke 23:43).
  • We will worship (Revelation 22:3).
  • We will keep learning about God (Isaiah 57:15).
  • We will be fully known as we are and be with others who loved/accepted Christ (1 Corinthians 13:12).
  • We will serve God without the hinderance of sin. There will be no suffering (Revelation 21:4). 
  • We will be given rewards based on how we lived and given assignments. Not everyone will have the same rewards or assignments (all verses can be found here Heavenly Rewards and Assignments

See link for verses to substantiate claims (What Are We Doing in Heaven?

You and I were created by God and for God. 

Okay Erin, that’s nice but I’m still feeling insecure about (fill in the blank)…my age, my size, my role on earth, my appearance, my career or lack of career, not having a family, having a family and feeling overlooked…

Well here are some things from Papa God. 

Feelings are not an indication of truth. What I say is truth. I love you profoundly more than you can imagine and I long for you to stand in confidence. Confidence in knowing I created you. Man may judge you, overlook you. I never will. The world may judge you by superficial things, yet I long for you to find your identity in Me. I carved you out of my heart. I sculpted your DNA out of My imagination. I laughed. I smiled. I invited the Angels to come see what I had done. I watch over you in the night seasons, eagerly awaiting the opportunity to be with you. I want to be with you. I love being with you. You are My daughters, My Princesses; you are Royalty. The evil one works so desperately for you to think less of yourself than you are. He hates the love, passion, stamina, and life I created in you. You are intricate and complex. I took My time handcrafting you. You bear My glory! I stood back and marveled at the work of My hands. I fashioned you. You are marked with My fingerprints. You have infinite worth and value. It’s not based on what you do or have done or your earthly titles or status. It’s based on who you are in My eyes; it’s based on who’s you are. You are Mine and I am fully yours. Stand tall. Stand tall in My love, My affirmation, My approval given in My Son. Sink your heart into Mine and thrive!” 

Father God please reveal any lies we have come into agreement with about ourselves or our circumstances. I ask that Your Holy Spirit would place His finger on every lie and we’d renounce them. Please forgive us for downplaying who we are, Your divine design. Please forgive us for any jealousy, comparison, or complaining about Your handiwork-us. Please forgive us for insecurity which a fruit of the sin of unbelief. Infuse us with unwavering faith, courage, and confidence. Give us eyes to see You, ourselves, and our circumstances the way You do. In Jesus powerful name, amen. 

Love, 

Erin Lamb

P.S I’m writing a book called Killing Insecurity. My prayer is it inspires and is used by God to heal many. 

Knowing Jesus Leads to Confidence!

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We’ve spent months studying identity in Christ and insecurity. It’s easy to talk about insecurity. It’s quite another to walk out of insecurity and into confidence.

Here are some of things that work against confidence:

1. Caring what people think. The Bible says the fear of man is a snare or trap (Prov. 29:25). No matter what you do, there will be someone, somewhere who has a problem with you. You’re not living for people. You’re living for God. We don’t know our own hearts or motives, therefore people aren’t the best judges of one another. God can see the heart fully.

2. Fear of being arrogant or prideful. Someone decided teaching people they are worthless honors God. Nothing is further from the truth. Insulting a painting doesn’t glorify the Artist. Why would you come to save something of no value? Jesus gave His life because of God’s great love for people.

Pride says, “I’m self made. I’m more important than others. It’s all about me.” Confidence says, “God made me, and He doesn’t make junk. I am who God says I am and can do what He says I can do. I’m significant and so are you!” Arrogance is selfish and self centered, confidence serves others.

3. Trying to fix yourself! The truth is intimacy with God leads to confidence. Reading the Bible, positive self talk, reading books about confidence; these are all good things. The best thing is relationship and intimacy with God. As we behold Him, we become like Him. Being with God, abiding in Him, leads to fruit! Jesus was not and is not insecure. God is confident.

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4. Looking to sources other than God for identity. We have talked quite a bit about this. Society tries to switch the focus to beauty, youth, success, money, relationships, or sex. If God is not the source of identity, our identity is on shifting sands.

5. Rely on feelings! I’ve heard more people say, “I don’t feel…fill in the blank.” Feelings are not always a good indication of truth. Feelings are not bad.They can work for or against you. God’s word is truth.

Many times the heart needs a truth encounter. We are called to live by the Spirit not be led by the Flesh. This is a process that develops through intimacy with God.

Final Thoughts:

Jesus didn’t come to beat us down; He came to lift us up.

Confidence is thanking God for who He created us to be. As a loving Father, He doesn’t want us to insult or undervalue what He created and who He loves.

We are so blessed in Christ! He has given us so much through relationship with Him.

Jesus paid for us to have confidence in Him! Apart from Him we have nothing, with Him we have everything! Live confident, bold, and fearless in Him.

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Comparison (Killing Insecurity Part 14)

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Comparison fuels insecurity. It’s easy to look at other people’s lives and compare what you see to the reality of your own life. Like the quote states above, We compare our behind the scenes to other people’s highlight reel.”

The problem comes when self esteem is tied to comparison with other people.

Comparison can lead to putting others down to feel better about ourselves, feelings of inferiority, or even wanting what other people have (coveting or envying).

What are we comparing?

There is not only the comparison of possessions, qualities, looks, or status. We as humans also compare sins. Have you ever looked at someone and said, “At least I’m not as bad as that person, or that person seems so spiritual, connected to God and I am not?

What does the Bible say about comparison, judging, and wanting what others have…

You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor,”~Exodus 20:17.

What does it mean to covet?
1.yearn to possess or have (something).

synonyms: desire, yearn for, crave, have one’s heart set on, want, wish for, long for, hanker after/for, hunger after/for, thirst for more.

Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?~Matthew 7:1-3.

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma,~Ephesians 5:1-2.

It’s okay to admire qualities we see in others. However, scripture tells us to be imitators of Christ.

Last post I talked about allowing Christ to live in us. Jesus is our model. Any good we see in people comes from Him. Any blessings or spiritual gifts we see in people’s lives, we can admire and praise God. Every good and perfect gift comes from Him. Also what He does for one, He will do for another.

Why do we compare ourselves to others?

We don’t realize how valuable, special, and unique we are.

God loves you friends. Every person has a special purpose and set of gifts given by God. God longs to give us good things. He withholds nothing good. So, the greatest thing we can do is seek God for identity.

Comparison normally does not lead to anything good. Everyone has problems, troubles, struggles, and only God is perfect! And He is crazy about you! He delights in who He made, you! He has great plans for you.

Be Like Christ or Let Christ Live In You

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Is the goal to be like Christ or to allow Christ to live in us? The Killing Insecurity Series would be incomplete without talking about the expectation for Christians to be exactly like Jesus. This causes all kinds of insecurity and disappointment.The truth is without God we can do nothing.

Striving to be like Jesus is different than abiding in Him and allowing His nature to shine through us. One puts the focus on us, the other puts the focus on Jesus.

We can’t will ourselves to be like Jesus. If we could be like Jesus on our own efforts, there would be no need for a Savior, or for the old man to die. We were dead, blind, wretched, and without hope before Christ. It’s only because of what Jesus did that we can live a holy life. And my sweet friends it’s a process, a journey. We are saved by faith and being sanctified by God’s Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit can be trusted with our spiritual growth. We don’t willfully sin, ignore God’s Word or warnings, or neglect His instructions. We also don’t put pressure on ourselves to be like Jesus. We abide, He produces fruit.

So here’s the good news:

In Christ, the righteousness of Christ is counted as yours. We can’t earn God’s love, approval, or do enough good deeds to be counted righteous on our own. It’s only through Jesus that we are made right with God. This takes the pressure off. It’s not a contest, competition, or a burden.

Being in relationship with God, abiding in Him, and cultivating relationship with Him leads to heart transformation. Heart transformation leads to life transformation. We are changed when we are saved. However, we don’t immediately act like Jesus in every way and every day. If you’ve ever grown plants, you know that when a seed is planted it does not immediately bolt into a full grown plant. It takes time. Another example is a baby. They don’t come out of the womb talking, walking, and running. Growth takes time.

God knows our weaknesses and is not intimidated by them. If we think God is judging us continually, walking with Jesus will be stressful. Truth is God knew what He was getting when He chose you. He knows everything about everything.

Lastly, aside from creating insecurity, the pressure to be like Christ creates unnecessary stress. God wants to shine through us, not for us to try to generate our own light. Give yourself permission to be human. 🙂 Being human isn’t a license to sin, it is permission to rely fully on a Jesus.

I don’t know about you, but I’m fully aware that I’m human. Without Jesus I have no ability to live like Him. So let’s rest in what He’s done and trust His leadership, guidance, and ability to transform us. Let’s also be aware that others need grace and mercy as well. Though I’d be nice, we can truly only expect Jesus to be 100% like Jesus all the time. Everyone else will miss the mark in some way.

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Humility is not Insecurity (Killing Insecurity Part 10)

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So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you, Deuteronomy 31:6.

Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong, 1 Corinthians 16:13.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline, 2 Timothy 1:7.

I’ve met numerous people who have mistaken insecurity with humility. Insecurity is one of those things we either glorify (that person is so humble) or pity, or we make excuses for.

The Bible does not link insecurity with humility. Jesus was perfect in humility and completely secure in His identity as the Son of God. He did not put Himself down, compare Himself to others, or doubt the Father’s love for Him. He knew who He was, why He came, and made no apologies for His confidence. Jesus was confident and bold, yet humble and compassionate. He was not filled with fear. He was filled with love.

What if I’m insecure?

Most people have battled or battle with some insecurities. It may not be appearance, status, or age related. It could be insecurities about God’s love, insecurities about the future, or just plain fear of bad things happening (foreboding).

The cure is an identity rooted in Christ and a filling of God’s love! There is no fear in love, all insecurities are rooted in fear.

Insecurity is not only rooted in fear, but unbelief. It is refusing to fully believe and accept God’s truth about who He is, what He’s called us to do, and our identity as sons and daughters.

God does not want us to be insecure. He longs for us to trust Him and receive His great love.

The Bible tells us to be courageous, to trust God fully, to place our confidence in God’s abilities and not our own. Jesus changed our names and gave us new identities in Him. We are called to live out our God given identities. We have a reason to be confident; our hope is not in ourselves or something, but Someone great. We place no confidence in our flesh, but place all confidence in God.

What is humility?

Humility is being a servant, seeking what’s best for others.

Humility is rooted in love.

Humility gives God the credit and acknowledges dependence on God.

Humility is trusting God. Without Him, we can do nothing.

Humility is God centered. Insecurity is self centered (the focus is not God, but us).

Humility exalts God. Insecurity exalts our weaknesses or shortcomings.

Humility is acknowledging that greatness comes from God.

Sweet friends, God longs for us to see ourselves and our situations the way He does. He loves us. Our feelings may not line up with His word. If we ask God for help, He will help us to be confident in Him. We are a chosen people, set apart for His glory!

Prayer:

Father help us to receive the fullness of Your love. Uproot all lies and unbelief. Replace them with Your truth. Your perfect love cast out fear. Help us to be bold, courageous, and humble. We need You. In Jesus name, amen.

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For the Ladies (Killing Insecurity)

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Today’s post is dedicated to the ladies! You are beautiful, chosen, loved, adored, pursued, cared for, and the apple of God’s eye.

This post is about insecurity. Insecurity is a poison that contaminates relationships and destroys it’s host. It seeps into every area of the heart seeking to place the focus on self instead of on God. Insecurity is the root that produces the fruits of fear, jealousy, bitterness, envy, control, manipulation, rejection, competition, paranoia, and more. Insecurity is not from God. Insecurity says, “God doesn’t have enough. God doesn’t love me enough. God is not able or faithful. I am not enough. Everyone else is better than me. I must have or do ______ in order to be okay.

The truth is: You are made in the image of God. You are His workmanship created for His glory. You are a Princess because your Father is the King of the Universe.

The world works diligently to make people insecure. The media is filled with images of people who are elevated to look perfect and be perfect. If you do not fit the mold, then you are less than. The news is filled with bad news: the world is ending, everything is bad, be afraid, be worried, save your money…you can’t  trust anything or anyone. Even the church can be a place where we are made to feel we must be something other than who we are in order to be loved and accepted. A place that is supposed to be welcoming, accepting, and filled with love can often be a place of judgment, criticism, comparisons, and competition as well. The message is not, “Be like Christ,” it’s “Be like me.” In the world we are loved if we behave a certain way or fit into a certain mold. In God’s eyes, we are loved despite who we are, and He works to change us into who He wants us to be.

One of the diseases that’s killing us is insecurity. Insecurity causes us to look down on others to lift ourselves up. It’s insecurity that causes us to gossip about people. Insecurity causes us to be highly critical of others instead of dealing with ourselves. It is insecurity that causes us to not stand up for what we believe. Insecurity causes us to be filled with jealousy, envy, strife, offense, prejudice, fear, and hatred. When we don’t know our own value and worth, we cannot value, celebrate, or honor anyone else. 

So, what’s the cure:

  • Jesus! A relationship with God. He is the One who created everything and everyone. The value of something is determined by how much someone is willing to pay for it. God sent His only Son to die for all of mankind. The price for each person was paid with the highest price, the life of Jesus. We become like the One we worship. If we worship God, spend time with Him, allow Him to speak into our lives, then we have a more secure foundation. Jesus was not insecure. He knew who He was and who His Daddy was. He was confident.
  • Repentance. I know it seems radical to repent for being insecure. The repentance is going to God and saying, “I repent for saying Your assessment of me was not valid. I repent for making the opinions of other people more valuable than Yours. I repent for allowing the world to define who I am instead of allowing You to define who I am. Help me to see myself through your eyes.
  • Identity in Christ. Nothing we try to find our identity in other than God is stable: not money, not relationships, not marriage, not work, not achievements, not ministry, not serving, not the opinions of people, not looks or beauty, not the stock market, not our political beliefs, not ourselves, not children or our roles as mothers. There is nothing and no one who provides a stable, solid foundation outside of Jesus. All other ground is sinking sand.

It’s not about self-help or pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps. The Gospel is about abiding in Christ and allowing Him to do the hard work. He creates lasting change. Relationship with God will always trump doing for Him. It is out of being that we begin to do. For what moves His heart begins to move ours. His thoughts invade ours. Fears melt away in the presence of unfailing love.

Final Notes/Testimony:

A good portion of my life I felt as though something bad was about to happen because for a good portion of my life bad things continually happened. I watched my best friend and mum die from cancer. I helped another close family member for 7 years through sickness, surgeries, pain, and losing everything. While other young people were having fun, I was sitting in hospitals. The promises of God were in my mind, but it took a long time for them to navigate to my heart. My circumstances did not line up with God’s promises.

Faith is not about our feelings, and it isn’t a fake it until you make it either. Experience with God builds our security in Him, hence Him inviting us into relationship.

Even today I feel more secure with God than I do with people. For experiences with people have left devastation and pain. It took time for God to remove labels people had placed on me and for me to accept His voice above all the mockers. It takes an effort for me to engage with some people, but God lovingly draws me out and says, “Love again.” It’s another situation where positive things are in my head, but they are slowly navigating to the heart. There are some really good people in the world! There are some really encouraging people in the world. It’s a journey and process.

It is a process to allow the love of God to flow in and out. It takes time to get to know God. We will not trust someone we don’t know. We will not be secure in a relationship with someone we don’t know. So the ever-increasing desire is to know God more! I pray the same for you too! You are deeply loved, today and always.

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