Live in Reality (Single & Following Jesus Series Part VII)

Aloha friends.

Today I wanted to chat about living in reality and being realistic.

We live in a world of reality tv which does not always represent reality. We live in a world that promotes fantasy (what feels good to you, act that out).

God invites us into reality with Him. Why? God’s reality is rooted in truth, His wisdom, and holiness.

Fantasy is often rooted in seduction, lust, and deception.

Imagination is God given and can be holy; fantasy is normally rooted in pretending.

God invites us into His truth and holiness. Believing God’s truth sets us free. Believing the devil leads to bondage.

Culture vs. God’s Kingdom:

You see movies of two people falling instantly in love then bed together. They sleep together and live happily ever after right? They do not show you the people dumped after a one night stand, the pregnancies and abortions after one night stands, the sexually transmitted diseases contracted, the new demonic spirits transferred between two people, the tears on the soul, nor the decreased ability to bond to another person after casual sex. The devil never talks to people about negative consequences of stepping outside God’s boundaries. He presents something that seems good, will bring temporary pleasure, yet will not bring lasting joy and satisfaction.

The same goes with pornography. It was not until recently studies popped up showing the detriment of this activity. Fantasy in this area leads to lack of genuine love, decreased genuine intimacy with a real human, and is often the gateway for more illicit choices. Many who later participate in human trafficking (buying slaves or engaging in prostitution/abuse) started with pornography; it devalues humans and reduces them to objects instead of people.

What is Reality?

Reality is God highly values all people and they are not objects to be used for pleasure, they are people to be loved.

Godly love involves commitment, protection, and stewarding the heart of another person well. It is a love that says, “I want to honor you so I am willing to do things God’s way. I will safe guard this relationship so it brings God glory and honors you. I will not take from you without committing to you, for that is stealing what I am unwilling to cherish for life. I want to steward the gifts you are offering me of your time, resources, body, heart, and life. I want to be in covenant with you which is bound by a commitment to sacrificial, unselfish, God given love.”

Let’s talk about another form of fantasy. It happens when people start planning their marriage before their first date or idolizing someone they just met. Why is this dangerous? The person you may end up marrying may not be that person you made up in your head or the person sitting across from you at coffee. Pursuing a fantasy relationship (the made up one in the head) leads to gross disappointment when facing reality.

The made up John may cook, clean, leave roses and romantic cards. The real life John may just take out the trash.

I have seen way too many people fall in love with the idea or marriage or the idea of a person and end up grossly disappointed with reality.

Reality is until that person says, “I do,” they are not your spouse. In your head you can paint a wild, vivid fantasy that amounts to nothing. Why? Until they say, “I do,” they can still choose to walk away from the situation.

Reality is what that person shows you is what you are dealing with and have to take home. People are not projects. I have heard so many women say they will change their husband only to find out they (their spouse) has zero desire to change. They envisioned John the romantic. The reality is they got John the couch potato. In their fantasy they would marry John and make him like the Señor Suave in their head. Reality was John had zero desire to be what the fantasy was so he refused. I still tell people to pray God shows you before you say, “I do,” what you are dealing with in a partner.

Reality is marriage requires work. It as painted as an every day, all day love fest. Yet get some couples as friends who have been married awhile. They will tell you that it requires some work. Get more than just your parents who may withhold some of the deep challenges.

Reality is treating that other person like a brother or sister in the Lord or friend until their is a level of commitment. Giving yourself away, being too available/vulnerable, not setting great boundaries (including emotional/physical), and treating someone not your spouse like a spouse is the set up for heartache. We were not intended to bond with dozens of people then break up. God set up bonding and intimacy so we could form life long bonds. If you take two pieces of paper and glue them together then rip them apart, there is tearing. Neither piece remains whole.

Reality is being single is not a curse nor indication of being inferior/rejected. Jesus had no earthly wife. Paul had no wife. Mother Teresa had no husband. I would not say any of these people were cursed, without purpose, nor inferior beings. They went about doing the will of the Father. Desiring marriage is not a bad thing. Thinking it somehow improves your worth is a bad thing.

I do not know the exact map of my life nor the map of others. I do know God is good. Time can be wasted worrying or stressing over what is not happening verses enjoying who God is. In the presence of God is fullness of joy. I do know fantasy robs us of experiencing the joy of the Lord.

Papa God, for anyone who reads this that is caught up in fantasy instead of reality, I ask for your Holy Spirit to wash over them from the tops of their heads to the soles of their feet. I bind any and all seducing spirits and spirits of lust. I ask you would loose your love, peace, joy, and power. Reveal every lie they have come into agreement with that is blocking freedom. Every idol come crashing down. Holy Spirit of truth permeate every part of their being. Every addiction be bound. I ask you Lord for total freedom, inner healing, and deliverance by the power of your anointing. I decree and declare freedom from living outside Godly reality. In Jesus powerful name. Amen.

Love in Christ,

Erin

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Put Prayer On It (Single & Following Jesus Part VI)

Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?~Amos 3:3.

This was my devotion yesterday on Facebook, yet thought it may bless singles here. Here is the link to my author site if you wish to connect there Erin Lamb Author Page. I post devotions, encouraging words almost daily.

Before you date, court, pursue a business deal, say yes, sign up for that ministry thing, ask God before connecting/partnering with other people. God sees the heart and true motivation.

One of my favorite prayers is, "God show me who this person really is."

It's easy for people to smile, do the Christian nice thing (some are not even nice), or go along when there is something they want. Yet God sees the heart. God sees the core of us, even the things we do not see.

I give people about a year before I truly let my guard down and during that time I pray, "God do I need to be connected to this person? Please reveal their heart." Sometimes what flows out of them during that year is unloving, unkind, grossly selfish, etc…I thank God for the reveal. I am simply watching and assessing how they treat me and other people. Someone who is kind to those they deem important and rude to those they do not feel are important is not a kind person.

I love all, trust few, and am close friends with few. Why? My inner circle is reserved for people who genuinely care about me and treat me and others with respect, honor, dignity.

Our actions are always screaming over our words. Our words reveal our heart. Sometimes people are nice to everyone else and hateful to me. Why? I ask God to reveal their heart. God goes, "Here, this is what you are dealing with, you decide how to proceed."

I love all people, I am not friends or partners with all people. Some, I love and the information in my life is guarded from them. Why? They are not trustworthy. The Bible says, "You will know a tree by it's fruit." It is wisdom to seek God over friendships, dating, partnership, business, and even ministry. How can two be joined together lest they agree?

A Tree and It's Fruit

"Beware of the false prophets, [teachers] who come to you dressed as sheep [appearing gentle and innocent], but inwardly are ravenous wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them [that is, by their contrived doctrine and self-focus]. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the unhealthy tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore, by their fruit you will recognize them [as false prophets],~Jesus (Matthew 7:15-20).

My core values are:

  1. Love, respect, honor of all people not just those deemed important.
  2. Build people up instead of tear them down.
  3. Represent (re present) Jesus to those around me; reveal the Fathers heart.
  4. Honesty and integrity.
  5. Seeking to do no harm to anyone.
  6. Caring about others.
  7. Releasing who lives inside (Holy Spirit)

Connection with likeminded people brings forth greater fruit. It helps us to grow stronger. Those who build us up in love are so beneficial. Those who repeadily tear us down are not. Sometimes our mental, emotional, and physical health is compromised due to our associations and friendships.

Papa God, guard our hearts and lives from sheep in wolves clothing. Protect us from linking arms with those who do not love well or seek our harm. Help us to walk in wisdom, love, peace, and joy. You know who is best to be a part of our lives and who is not. Protect us from the wrong associations, the wrong friendships, the wrong partnerships. Help us to be connected to those who will love us like Jesus. Bring in the right friends, associates, partners. Give us eyes that examine fruit, not judge, yet see fruit. In Jesus powerful name, amen.

Love in Christ,

Erin Lamb

For the Unmarried 

  
Photo source: Pinterest 

For the unmarried… 

There is so much pressure to be coupled up with someone, especially in Christian culture. I have heard people get in pulpits and preach marriage is the best thing, not God-marriage. 

God doesn’t take a second chair to anyone or anything He created. If marriage is loved, desired, exalted above a relationship with God it’s an idol. The best love relationship we could ever have comes from God. 

So here is my encouragement to you! 

1. You are not half a person without a spouse. 

2. God is not waiting to send a spouse for you to do mighty exploits for Him. He loves you individually and has amazing plans for you whether married or unmarried. 

3. You are loved, not incomplete, and not alone. Holy Spirit is with every born again believer, as is Jesus-Father God. His covenant is eternal, marriage does not exist in heaven between man & woman. 

4. God connects people for mutual blessing and matched vision. He withholds nothing good. 

5. Married to the wrong person is FAR worse than single. Trust from someone who has seen many on the side of devastation, abuse, divorce, pain, heartache. 

6. It takes more than physical attraction and both loving Jesus to build a relationship. Talk about vision, destiny, money, caring for parents, expectations, dreams. How can two be joined lest they agree?

7. Hormone highs diminish. So those who marry for self gratification, lust, and not a desire to agape (sacrificial, unconditional, unselfish) love will find they fall out of love. God says choose love. 

8. Not every person presenting a happy marriage is blissfully happy. Do not let Social Media (SM) or what people say sway you. I knew of many unhappy, tormented married people posting their undying love on SM. 

9. Talk to God. He knows what your desires, wants, and needs are. He is perfect at matchmaking. 

10. Instead of praying, “Lord send me,” or searching everywhere for someone, how about praying “Lord prepare me. Make me into someone who is a tremendous blessing to someone. Cleanse me. Teach me agape love.” 

11. If marriage is your heart desire, pray for that person in advance. Can not hurt. 

12. Know God is 100% good. You do not have to settle when your Father is so good.


Lord I ask for Your love, peace, power, and purity to shower every single, widdowed, divorced person. I bind any spirits of pressure, shame, bondage, deception, disappointment, fear, or unbelief. I loose peace and truth for the days to come. Lord You are trustworthy. You can be trusted with every desire. I ask that every desire will be placed before You. I pray the greatest desire be for You. I bless each one with purity, love, comfort, and intimacy with You. In Jesus mighy name. Amen. 

From God’s Hand or Yours

  
I rarely post things I sense from God  online. Yet hope this helps someone. Certainly pray over it, weigh it, test it, hold up against Scripture and the character of God. I am simply expressing what I sense, it’s not a thus says the Lord. 

Hey singles, engaged or soon to be…or those with single friends/family.

I had this vision this morning and impressions and wanted to share with you. 

I saw these people in the dark sifting through gift boxes. Lifting them up and shaking them. “Is this it? Is this the one? I need to find my box!!! Where’s my box?” 

Across the stream they can see married couples walking around holding hands, being loving and there’s a sense of…”What they have is so great, what about me?” 

I see the Lord lift a veil off the side with married people. Showing what’s beneath the surface. There are some happy couples still. And there are many with shackles on them. Above them I can see the words, “Torment, abuse, unhappiness, struggling, pain, regret, unequally yoked, shame…” 

The Lord points to them and says, “These are the ones who didn’t wait on Me. They made their choice independent of My provision. They may seem happy on the outside but there’s great struggle and pain on the inside. Don’t look at what you see with your natural eyes and allow desperation to make choices for you. I am Your Father. I love you. I want the BEST for you.” 

I can see Him with gifts in His hands, ones He’s custom made. Inside each box a person that He prepared for those digging through a box bin. 

I hear Him say, “Do you want what’s in My hand or what’s in that bin?” 

I saw many leave with random boxes from the bin because they didn’t want to seek what was in God’s hands. They had someone but they didn’t have the tremendous blessing of a custom made gift from God. And He can make more than one, so it’s not a one person for each person. It’s a “What is God blessing?” versus “What can be found independent of Him?” And every person gets to choose. 

Sensed the Lord saying, “Seek Me and trust Me with Your desires. I will never give less than My best. I’m longing to prepare you and the gift I have for you so you’re a blessing to each other. Seek Me. Seek Me. I don’t half do anything. You may choose however you wish. Simply know when I give a gift it’s beyond exceptional. It will draw you closer to My heart as you see what it’s like to love like Me and be loved by someone who’s in tune with Me. Iron sharpening iron. What you need and what you want. Don’t let others pressure you into settling for less than My most excellent best. I know you, and I love you. I know you, and I want to give My best to you. It’s up to you to choose what’s in My hand, or what you can choose from your own hand.” 

I’m praying and have been for God ordained marriages. For born again believers to exemplify what marriage is like from heaven’s perspective. Heavenly Unions set up by God that bring about great Kingdom purposes. Where both people are blessed and grow spiritually together. Healthy marriages that bring God tremendous glory. Both people richly blessed! 

As an unmarried person I can say there’s tons of pressure to get married or be in a relationship. People in Christian circles try to set you up, there’s this “What’s wrong with you?” If you’re unmarried. Sometimes it’s just annoying for me to hear, “I just want you to be happy.” If I get any happier people are going to think I do drugs. God is my joy! 😜 He’s everything. If I ever marry, it won’t be out of desperation or for someone to meet my needs. It will be out of love and a desire to be a blessing to someone else and build the Kingdom of God together… 

If I ever marry I would want that person to choose me out of love not desperation or to get their physical or emotional needs met. “oh I’m on a deadline, Erin might fit the bill…lets go! She will meet my needs, let’s get married!” That’s not love, it’s selfishness. 

My friend Janice told me once when I thought I was in love with this guy…”If he were sick and dying, would you sit by his bedside? Would you clean up after him? Willing to wipe his butt. If he could do nothing for you and was paralyzed, would you forsake all others to care for him? Could you imagine your children growing up like him? If he needed a kidney, would you give him yours?” 

Our society focuses on the wedding, sex, children, status of marriage…God focuses on agape (pure, sacrificial, unconditional) love. Which must come first from Him. 

So my prayer for every person I know who wants to be married, it’s God’s design for marriage so Christians are known for the best marriages and have the lowest divorce rates… 

Feel free to pass on to any singles you know! Whether single or married, may we all seek first the Kingdom of God! He’s worth it all! 😍👑👏🏼🙌🏼

God has the best plan. He doesn’t force His will on us. He does provide input for those who seek Him. 

Love, 

Erin