Purpose (Single & Following Jesus Series Part II)


Purpose: function, purpose, role, use (noun), what something or someone is created for. 

It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone,~Ephesians 1:11-12. 

Bring all who claim me as their God, for I have made them for my glory. It was I who created them,~Isaiah 43:7. 

The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together,~Collossians 1: 15-17. 

The best selling book The Purpose Driven life has sold millions of copies. People are seeking a purpose, destiny, calling, and for their life to matter. 

We live in a world where purpose is tied to man given titles, status, marital status, parenting, occupation, ministry, and/or material things. People define themselves by who others say they are instead of who God says they are. 

God tells us our purpose plainly. We were created by Him to have relationship with Him and others. We were created to bring Him glory. We are His Ambasssadors of love on earth. We are to be imitators of Christ as dearly loved children (1 Cor 11:1). 

We were created by Love (God), to be loved, then to love (Matthew 22:37-39). 

  • Purpose 1: Relationship with God. 
  • Purpose 2: Agape love (be loved by God, love ourselves, love our neighbor as ourselves) 

God also tells followers of Jesus to go and make disciples. We are commissioned to share the Gospel; to share with others the good news of Jesus. It is for all followers of Jesus. 

  • Purpose 3: Do what we see Jesus doing; share the Gospel and make disciples. 

Instead of the focus being our dreams, our agenda, our wants, getting a date, finding a mate, having the American dream…what if the focus was receiving God’s love, seeking first His Kingdom, loving God and cultivating relationship with Him, sharing the Gospel, building His Kingdom on earth, feeding the hungry, loving the broken, and making disciples? We would change the world. 

…he told them, “Go into all the world and preach (tell, speak forth) the Good News to everyone,”~Jesus (Mark 16:15). 

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,~Matthew 28:19. 

It does not say, “Only pastors, teachers, evangelists, prophets, and apostles go and make disciples.” It is for every believer. It is something Jesus was quite passionate about; telling others about the love and truth of God. 

  • Purpose 4: Bring God glory! 

I have heard unmarried people and married people say that life and purpose begins at saying wedding vows to an earthly spouse. I strongly disagree. 

Life begins at Christ. Without Jesus, there is no eternal life in paradise. You can get into heaven without a spouse. You can not get intoheaven without Jesus. 

There is no marriage in heaven. Therefore heaven is about God. What a shame it would be to see God face to face and have Him ask, “What did you do with what I gave you (see the Parable of the Talents),” and the person replied, “Well, nothing. You never sent me a spouse. Or I made my spouse my god.” 

What a waste it would be to sit around waiting or complaining while people around us are dying and going to hell. People are starving for natural and spiritual food. May we care about what God cares about. God cares about the poor, widows, orphans. He cares about us and the whole world. 


The highest calling for every believer, married or unmarried is to have relationship with God and love others. Marriage to a human is just one expression of love on earth. It is not the only or most important. 

Let’s look at Matthew 25:31-46. 

The Sheep and the Goats

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

“Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

You notice Jesus does not talk about their possessions, titles, community influence, etc. He looked at the way they loved. 

You and I can wake up each day with purpose, “We were created by Love, to be loved, then to love.” 

Nothing God created is without a purpose. Purpose is rooted in Christ. 

So unmarried friends, let’s be about our heavenly Father’s business. Instead of sitting idle, waiting on the rapture or God to send a mate-be active in loving God, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, sharing the Gospel, making disciples. There is so much in Christ, let’s make our lives count for Him. 

Love, 

Erin Lamb 

Single & Following Jesus Series


Hello online friends! It has been some time since I touched base with you. Yet you are not forgotten. I have been thinking, “Where do we go from here?” What is beneficial for this season? 

Well, there is a new series starting on single and following Jesus. I know it seems I hit this target over and over, yet it’s best to talk about what we know. I also read an article that stated the younger generations are getting married later in life and some not at all. 1 in 3 deciding a no for marriage. We have marriage on the decline. So if lots of followers of Jesus are unmarried, I find it imperative to talk about singles issues and bring them to the table. 


I want to hear from you! Yes, you. What topics do you wish to see covered in this series? I have already polled my FB fam. Now it’s your turn. What are your needs? How can the church (community of believers) better serve you? What topics would benefit you?

I hope you comment below and engage in this series! I am asking God to show up big time. 

If you are married, please do not check out. Your input is valued too! We need each other. Maybe you can share some insight into married life or life before marriage. 

Mainly I want us to grow together. 

So, let’s dig into God’s word and look at some very influential unmarried people in the Bible and today. Let’s talk about some challenging topics and fun ones too! 

You can live an amazing life as an unmarried person. 

Don’t forget to post your suggestions for topics in the comments below. Looking forward to hearing from you. You are so deeply loved. 

Xxxx, 

Erin Lamb

Perks of Unmarried Life

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Devotion (for the unmarried): The greatest gift God ever gave was Himself. We hear all about the benefits of marriage. Today I talk about the perks of unmarried life. There are lots…

The Bible says, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you,” not “Seek first a spouse.” 

Marriage, what I call covenant, was initiated by God. He saw Adam had a need. Eve was part of the solution. Adam did not have the indwelling of the Holy Spirit like born again believers have today. Therefore, the unmarried person today has an advantage over the unmarried person before the death and resurrection of Christ. A person can thrive with God. God+Nothing=Everything. 

Having the Holy Spirit means a believer has full access to God, they have the the Comforter living on the inside. They are never alone. They have been grafted into an eternal family, and can have spiritual sons and daughters. They are not without family, they are part of the family of God. 

Sometimes people seem perplexed I have joy without a spouse or children. In God’s presence is fullness of JOY! He is my joy, not people or the things He gives. I have more FUN with God than with anyone else. If you do not believe me, hang out with me sometime. It can be quite the party. 

“You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore,”~Psalm 16:11. 

There are so many things that can be done as an unmarried person. Here is my list…

1. Unhindered devotion to God. 

No one loves better than God. I can not state this enough. An unmarried person can have more time alone with God, more time devoted to fasting/prayer/intercession. More time spent serving God and others. 

2. Freedom to travel the world. 

My mum told me to go see the world (I like other cultures). It has been a blast-Mexico, Puerto Rico, Australia, Brazil, Canada…etc. 

3. Deeper friendships. 

One thing I have seen shift with married friends is their commitment to deep friendships outside their spouse. You may have been a best friend, but sometimes you end up someone they call when they are having a baby or need help or are bored or just want to make sure you do not sever the relationship completely. Some you never hear from again. 

An unmarried person has more time (sometimes) to devote to loving, encouraging, investing, and caring for other people-truly being an invested friend. 

4. Only one to check in with… 

If I desire to do something, “Buy property, start a business, move across the country…,” I do not have to chat with anyone besides God. Eventhough I am in covenant with God, He offers me more freedom than anyone. He has never tried to control, minimize, limit, or push my desires into the ground. I have never been one to like control or domination. Nor do I wish to limit someone else. I have a fully functional brain and will, I like using them. I wish this for others too. Marriage means two get to choose. Unmarried offers less restrictions. Not saying it’s better, I am saying it is something to enjoy. 🙂 

5. Identity rooted in Christ, not another person. 

I am big on knowing who we are in Christ and not being defined by labels. Who are you in Him? Only the covenant with Him is eternal. “Oh I am so and so’s wife or husband,” awesome, “Who are you? What makes you tick?” 

I am in covenant with God. When people ask who I am, I reply, “Erin Lamb,” not, “Servant of Jesus.” Serving Jesus is pure joy, yet He is in covenant with Erin Lamb. I have an identity, name, personality, hobbies, desires, and passions that are unique to me. He is not me and I am not Him. We are linked, one in spirit. We are not the same person. He does not try to be me. I am not trying to be Him. I seek to abide in Him so His character and fruit of the Spirit manifest through my life. It is still a unique expression. I am not a third limb hanging off Jesus. 

I have heard people say, “I just want to belong to someone.” Are you saved? If so, you belong to God. There is no human marriage in heaven. One must bypass trying to find identity, security, and purpose outside of God. Why? Anything or anyone we use for identity that is not Him is an idol. Idols enslave and invite evil spirits to torment. 

God gave relationships to complement, not complete us. Spouses can pass away or leave. God never does. 

6. Rest

Okay so when I get home, there is no one waiting to talk to me or ask me for favors or seek me for something. I can just rest. Nap, I think I will take one. No makeup, yoga pants, hair a hot curly mess kind of day-no one cares. Disinterested in human interaction, that’s fine…on the couch I go with a book in hand and blanket. Don’t feel like being hugged or touched, do not have to. Though my life is full, there is time to rest. Introverts like rest. 🙂 

The purpose of the post is to hopefully inspire unmarried people to seek God for identity, love, and purpose. I founded a charity/outreach 4 years ago with God. I purchased my first home with God. I wrote my first book with God. I travel the world with God. I paint, create, sing, and write music with God. I will be starting my own business with God. I take cooking classes with God. I disciple and teach with God. I rest with God. I have exceeding joy in God and with God. God completes me. Everyone else is a complement and secondary.  

Do not sit around waiting on a magical appearance of a person to live life to the fullest. Live baby live! Thrive baby thrive!!!

Do You Love You? (Sacred Sex Series Part VIII) 

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Do you love you? I know it may seem like a silly question, yet it is an important question. How we feel about ourselves impacts every relationship we have. 

We accept the love we feel we deserve. 

I am working on a book about insecurity. One of the issues with insecurity is it attracts poor treatment which causes feelings of rejection. These feelings of rejection lead to more insecurity that attracts poor treatment. The poor treatment creates wounds of rejection. The cycle continues. 

Insecurity is a lack of love for oneself. It is an image of self that is tainted and twisted. This tainted view can lead to fear, lack of proper boundaries, people pleasing, jealousy, control, being easily offended, enabling, abuse, codependency, accepting poor treatment, promiscuity, over indulging, gross selfishness, putting self or others down, shame, or overgiving/overinvesting. 

Insecurity is an issue that began in the Garden of Eden and has continued to plague mankind. There is a solution for insecurity that comes in relationship with God. He is pure love. His love casts out all fear, insecurity, and identity issues. 

True identity comes from knowing who God is and then who we are in Christ. The only sure and stable identity is in God. 

The truest love we will ever know comes from God. God love is pure/holy, not based on our merit or behavior, and fills us to overflowing. 

We must know God’s love for ourselves before we can love another or receive love from another. I will repeat this again…we must know God’s love for ourselves. 

My close friends have heard it over and over, it is not love God, then others, yourself last. I want to burn every t-shirt or meme with this statement enscribed there. The flow of love goes like this, “God so loved the world. We receive God’s love. Once we receive God’s love we love ourselves. We give the love God offers back to Him and love our neighbor AS we love ourselves.” 

We cannot love our neighbor as we love ourselves if we do not love ourselves. It will not happen! 

We can can only give what we possess and release what we carry. If you ask me for 10 dollars and I have no money, I can not give you any money. So, we are encouraged by Jesus to abide in the Vine (Him) and there would be abundant fruit (John 15:4-5). 

What does loving yourself look like? 

1. Finding your identity in God instead of things, people, relationships, looks, material things, or opinions of others. 

2. Forgiving yourself as God does. God does not bring up stuff we have repented of and laid before Him. As far as the east is from the west, that is how far He removes our transgressions from us. 

3. Speaking well of yourself. Putting ourselves down is not helpful. Speak life! If you need some help click here 110 Affirmations with Scriptures

4. Setting healthy boundaries. Are you allowing things in your life that are unhealthy, stress you out? Do you have people who put you down or treat you bad and you let them? Do you say yes to things you do not want to do? It’s a new year…you can start afresh with in tact boundaries. 

5. Taking care of your mind, body, spirit. Are you taking care of yourself? If you do not, who will? Yes God supplies all our needs according to His riches in glory. He also will not possess us to go to the gym, not binge eat, brush our teeth or hair, study the Bible, meditate on good things. We have to do those things. We are entrusted to take care of many aspects of our lives. 

6. Quit accepting toxic relationships. I believe we are called to love everyone. I do not believe we are called to be best friends or close friends with everyone. Why? Bad company corrupts good character. Who we connect with deeply impacts our lives. 

Is that person kind to you or do they put you down? 

Do you do all of the investing or do they invest too? 

Do they keep your confidences or are they the town gossip? 

How do they treat your friends and family? 

Is the relationship filled with peace, love, and joy or confusion, chaos, endless tears? 

Do you feel safe, valued, appreciated, seen, and heard? 

Is it about mutual investment or all about the other person? 

We should not enter relationships for what we can gain. We should also assess relationships that are mostly one sided or leave us in constant tears or confusion. We should assess relationships where we do not feel safe or genuinely cared for and loved. 

So I end this post asking, “Do you love you?” 


Love, 

Erin Lamb 

Speak Life! 

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Morning Devotion: Speak life! Align your words with God in 2017 (all the time). Activation and prayer at the end. 

Words, I love them. Not because I love to talk or write. I love words because they are seeds. Say what? Words are not just words. God spoke (used words) and creation began. God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 

When you and I speak, we are emitting frequencies into the airwaves. We are, for visualization purposes, depositing tiny little seeds and targets. These seeds can produce an abundant harvest. The power of life and death is in our tongue as scripture says. 

I am not saying if you profess, “I am a tree,” everyday you are going to become a tree. I am saying what you and I say is either inviting hell or heaven to invade. Hence verbal abuse can be sometimes more damaging than physical abuse. Sticks and stones may break your bones and words dear hearts will still hurt you. 

Negative words and labels plant seeds, some are curses that invite demons. If you do not believe in demons, come along for a street ministry outreach with me sometimes. We encounter lots of demonized people. 

I see the impact of words in deep inner healing/deliverance sessions. Parents who called their children dumb, no good, said things like, “I wish you were never born. I wish you were a different personality or gender. I can not stand you,” invited demonic harassment in their children’s lives. Those children, many of them grow up with seeds of rejection. They have a target on them to be rejected. In deliverance we deal with the root causes (seeds/open doors) so they can get free. 

How are you talking to yourself? Would God say the same things? How are you talking about other people? What targets are you placing on them? What are you speaking over your destiny, future, circumstances? 

I want you to speak life. Speak life even when it feels different, or weird. Agree with God. Both heaven and hell are looking for human agreement. 

Activation: 

Spend some time with Holy Spirit…ask Him to reveal the words you have been using that are not in agreement with Him. 

Repent: 

Lord I choose this year to align my thoughts and words with Yours. I confess You are always right and You speak life! You know the plans You have for me and they are good. I ask for forgiveness for every agreement with the enemy. I choose to believe You as an act of my faith. Help me to speak life. 

Write Out Some Bible Based Declarations and Speak Them: 

The Word of God is life. Speaking His word helps to align our mind with truth. 

Examples: 

God is with me. He is good. His desire for my life is good. 

I am fearfully and wonderfully made, God’s workmanship, created for His glory. 

I am called in Christ to be the head and not the tail, above and not beneath. 

God’s perfect love casts out fear. I can stand bold and courageous in His love! 

Papa God thank You for being the Master Gardener. Please forgive us for planting seeds that do not yield good fruit. This year, help us to sow seeds of life. Uproot what is not of You. We cancel every negative word, negative vow, negative word curse we have spoken or others have spoken over us. We choose to bless and not curse. Align our thoughts with Your thoughts. Align our words with Your words. Help us to be sowers for Your Kingdom! In Jesus mighty name, amen. 

Do They Love You? (Sacred Sex Series Part VII) 

Morning Devotion (for the unmarried): Do they love you? What matters most in covenant is agape (God) love. 

Our culture praises fun, romance, sex, lust, and quick hookups. There is hyper focus on fantasy and eros love (sexual attraction/romantic love). 

There is little to no focus on agape love (unconditional, sacrificial, unselfish love). 

Agape love is the love Jesus demonstrates. He tells His followers the world would know them by this love. 

Some may say, “Agape belongs just between you and God or in church and not in marriage or friendship.” I strongly, strongly disagree. Why? Trials may hit your friendship or marriage. Eros (romantic love) or philia (brotherly love) or storage (family love) may jump ship or not hold up in testing and extreme trials. Why? Because when love hurts, when that person disappoints you, when they no longer can meet your needs, when the sparkle has fizzled, the flesh says, “Let’s ditch this zero and look for another fix.” 

I personally do not enjoy mistreatment, so there are some unrepentant people not a part of my circle. I still pray for them, would feed them if they were hungry, clothe them if naked, keep their confidences, and seek to do no harm. 

Only agape says, “Even in the worst of times, I still love you. I am praying for you. Even if it costs me greatly I am looking out for you. My love for you is unwavering, unyielding, stead fast, and will not be moved. In sickness, and in health. In good times, and in bad times. When you make my heart flutter and when you don’t. I will remain faithful in love for you.” This does not mean love fails to set boundaries (see paragraph above). Yet boundaries are for protection, not punishment or an excuse to withhold love. 

Agape love is covenant love. It will cost you. It is not based on feelings, it is a choice you make to show up and do right by someone even if they do not deserve it. It is the love that says, “Even if you have nothing to offer me or you loose it all. I am not going to abandon my covenant with you.” 

Agape love is what God demonstrated to Adam and Adam and Eve were supposed to demonstrate to each other. Agape is what Jesus tells us to demonstrate to the world, even our enemies, not just who we like.

So in navigating through the choices for a mate or a covenant friend, think, do they love you? Do they demonstrate the unselfish, sacrificial, unconditional love of God for you and others? Are they a servant or looking to be served? Are they in any way looking out for you, your best interests? Or are they looking for someone to bless them, care for them, be there for them? A deeply selfish person will hurt you. 

Lust vs. Love

Lust is selfish and can be mistaken for love. It is an intense feeling that wants to take from someone else for it’s own pleasure or personal gain. Lust will pursue to conquer. Lust will also abandon. Lust is never satisfied. 

Marriage goes not cure lust anymore than going to a bar cures alcoholism. Lust is a spirit and heart condition; Jesus can deliver anyone from lust. The natural condition for mankind is love, not lust. Lust came when sin came. Before lust there was blessing given by God for physical intimacy out of agape love. 

Love is looking for ways to give, add value, bless, empower, protect, and enhance. Love seeks to do things God’s way. Love is holy, pure, and eternal. 

Okay, you may be saying, “Love sounds hard. I just want to have fun!

Fun is great! I love to have fun. Yet just having fun does not make us covenant friends or marriage material. God and I have tons of fun; laughing parties, dancing, sharing dreams, life together. Yet we both know our love for the other is not dependent on having fun. There are times where He just had to hold me while I mourned. Times where I had to wait patiently on Him to finish what He started. Not always fun, yet we are in covenant. I love God even when walking with Him is challenging. He promises to never leave or forsake me. I know every day with me is not fun. Yet He stands in unwavering love. 

What about that spark, physical attraction? 

God is pro chemistry. Hormones were His idea. He was the Author of attraction, sex, and romance. Yep. God, not Hollywood. God’s version of romance leads to greater intimacy (knowing) in a safe environment. God seeks to protect hearts and bodies, not destroy them or use them. 

God created physical intimacy with boundaries. Those who live their lives based solely on what pleases the flesh will often find they are led by lust not love. What if your spouse can no longer meet your physical needs? Are you leaving? Cheating? Withholding love? Angry? What if that person loses their health, looks, or possessions? Lust says, “Go where your needs are going to be met.” Lust is selfish. Love is unselfish and faithful. 

In a world that says, “Do what feels good to you.” God offers something so much better, agape love. 

Does that potential mate or close, covenant friend love you? Really love you? Do they love anyone besides themselves, their family, and friends? What is their character and heart? 

If presented with the chance to be close friends or a spouse I am examining how the person loves. I have met many people in my lifetime who claimed to love me, I am their best friend or like family, and several men who said I was their choice for a wife, yet in the end they did not truly love me. Some loved the idea of me. Some loved the way I loved them or loved their families. Some loved or lusted after what was on the outside. Some evaluated how I could add value to their lives or business or church. Some just wanted to check their box, “Found me a wife or good friend.” Some were deeply selfish. And at the end of the day, I do not care how much money you have, or about titles or superficial things, how well do you love? 

Sweet friends, God loves you and wants you loved in return. One sided love is not a relationship, it’s charity. Charity (ministry) is great. Love without strings attached. Yet in covenant you will need someone willing to pour back the love you pour out. God set up relationships for mutual love and blessing. 

God bless you in your unmarried years and those who never wish to marry. Follow hard and fast after Jesus. God loves you and has incredible plans for your life, whether married or unmarried. He is your eternal covenant, stronger and better than any earthly covenant. He is the best Lover of your soul. You are so valuable to Him and SOooooooo deeply loved.

Prayer & Discernment 

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Morning Devotion: Give it 12 months and pray (talk about relationships (friendships and marriage)). Prayer at the end. 

I grew up in the church, my dad is a pastor/evangelist/chaplain. My mom prophetic, a teacher, preacher, and quite discerning. They taught me oh so very much. One of the greatest things they taught and modeled was agape love and prayer. I was taught to pray expecting God to show up. He has! My word, He has. My parents also modeled sacrificial, lavish love. We were taught to love everyone and be generous. They are part of my family culture. 

One thing I will add to what they taught me is look at the fruit of someone’s life who wishes to connect with you. The character and fruit matter so much more than their words, gifting, or performance. Jesus said you will know a tree by its fruit, not it’s gifting, words, church attendance, performance. 

How many of you pray about the people who want to befriend you or for singles, date you? 

How many pray about the opportunities presented? 

How many look for good fruit in the person’s life or with that business, church, or organization? 

How do they treat people? What is their track record? 

Some Good Fruit: Love, respect, honor, taking responsibility for actions, honesty, integrity, kindness, self control, wisdom, peace, handles conflict instead of avoids it, keeps their word, keeps confidences, loyalty, things bloom/get better with their addition, value added, you are better because of the situation, seeks to build up instead of perpetually tear down, tells you what you need to hear, not just what tickles your ears, treats your heart like it’s theirs, unselfish, fair/just, free of control and manipulation. 

You see there is good, and there is God. There is good, and there is His very best. God gives good gifts. 

I am not stating run from every person who is not perfect; there are no perfect people btw. I am not saying run from broken people either. Everyone has something God is working on in their lives. I am saying look for some good fruit, examine character; prayer may save you some unnecessary drama and trauma. 

We are called to love everyone. We are not required to be best friends, confidants, or partners with everyone. 

Every opportunity is not God sent. Every cute or handsome person may not make a great spouse. Every person who tries to befriend you at church does not make a good friend. Every person who says, “I love you. You are like family or my best friend,” does not necessarily mean those words. You must look for fruit. Actions scream over words. 

It’s easy for people to put their best foot forward at first. The goal is (maybe) to impress the other person, connect, and for some to latch on to the other person. The trouble comes when masks fall off and you see the real deal. We are still to love people (seek to do no intentional harm, look for ways to bless them). Yet it is better to know before your heart is entangled or connected if that person is going to put your heart through a meat shredder. 

I placed 12 months on relationships (trial period) because, from experience, you begin to see more of the real person after a year. Some people can pretend for much longer. Yet I have noticed after a year the guard is lowered a bit and you get to see more transparency. Each person do what is best for you. It is not a law, just an observation. 

God wants you and me treated with respect, love, honor, and dignity. 

When I meet people and they have this toxic relationship going on, some will say, “God brought this person into my life.” So I ask, “Would you set someone you love to be in a relationship with someone who treated them this way?” The answer is normally no. Yet there is a belief that God desires less for His kids. 

There is a misbelief that God enjoys the hurt, heartache, abuse, and suffering of His children. He does not. This is a lie based off the treatment of Jesus. The Father delighted in the redemption of mankind through His Son. He did not delight in watching humanity mistreat Jesus. God loves His Son. He also loves you. 

So, with many learning bumps on this heart I have learned and am learning to do the following. 

1. Pray. 

Lord You know this person and their heart/character. Please reveal it to me. Help me not to connect with people who will leave my heart shattered or beat up. You bring in the people who are loving, trustworthy, good, kind, and will leave my heart better than before. 

Lord show me who this person really is. 

Lord is this opportunity a blessing from You or just a distraction or a setup to be mistreated/used? 

2. Pay attention. 

I am speaking from experience, not “Thus sayeth the Lord.” God does not always come out and tell me, “This person is up to no good.” Mostly they show me through their actions. Their words and actions conflict. They reveal two faces. There is disparity between what they say and live. If you remove their words and just look at their actions, you see their character. God will also sometimes reveal their heart/character in dreams. 

3. Love the person with appropriate boundaries. 

It’s easy to throw people in the garbage. We throw trash in the garbage, not people. Just because someone is not the best fit for us, does not make them worthless. No one is worthless. Pray for the person. You may seek ways to bless them. It does not mean you tell them the inner parts of your world or bond like besties. It does not mean you are forced to spend time with them or give them access to you. 

There are people I love, yet my connection with them is limited based on their behavior that brings drama, trauma, chaos. If they were hungry, I would feed them. Naked, I would clothe them. I pray for them. I am not inclined to treat them like my confidant. 

Papa God thank You that You love us all. Thank You that You are good. Thank You that you answer prayers and we can trust You. You know the perfect matches and opportunities for us. You know it all. Give us Your eyes and discernment. Cast out fear and suspicion by Your great love. Help us to make wise choices in relationships. Help us to be a tremendous blessing to everyone. Bring in Your choices for friends, mates, opportunities. Thank You for the ability to choose ourselves, yet we invite You in as the One who knows all and loves us more than anyone else. You desire Your very best for us. Heal any wounds from the not so great connections, make us whole. In Jesus mighty name amen.