I often wonder why men are encouraged to marry up and women are told to settle, there are no great men out there, take what you can get, marry down (less than what God would choose), and don’t be picky. Is it because our culture values the needs and desires of males over females? Is it because the value placed on women is lower? Her identity is sometimes linked to having a man, no matter how he treats her.
I believe God longs for relationships where BOTH people are blessed, you are not forced to endure a hellish union, iron sharpens iron, and both people benefit.
God is the best matchmaker. I believe God likes spiritually compatible unions, those rooted in mutual love, and those who seek Him can end up with them.
I have sat through too many coffee meetings where men expressed their needs, wants, desires, dreams, etc…and asked zero questions about me. I seriously could have placed a wax figure of me in the chair or any woman and they probably would have continued talking about themselves. Bored out of my mind I found myself daydreaming about Jesus and heaven and what I could’ve been doing other than another meeting. Honesty here.
Ladies listen up! If he cares nothing about inquiring of you, your dreams, desires, needs, or wants this is a red flag. You may be a trophy acquisition. Genuine friendship and love wants to know you, the real you, and will seek to get to know you…not just flatter you and talk about themselves.
Why are one sided unions even tolerated? I am not stating seek perfection. Only God is perfect. I am saying if you settle or think you will mold that person into who you wish you had married then you are not using wisdom. You may marry a fantasy yet wake up with reality.
I know some great men and some great women (maybe I need a matchmaking business 😉). Kidding about the business. I have seen on both sides the pursuit of someone they either thought was a trophy that elevated their esteem (not healthy-people are not objects to be used) or settling for what they do not desire just to have someone or not be lonely (also unhealthy).
Jesus help us humans pursue and have healthy relationships. May they be mutually a blessing and rooted in genuine friendship and agape love. Love seeks not just it’s own interests but the interest of another.
Are you settling or seeking a trophy spouse? If so, I highly encourage seeking the Lord for His ideas about relationships. God loves to see His children loved well. The person sitting across from you at coffee or lunch or dinner is someone Jesus died for and loves. Do you want to be with them to love them, help them, bless them, or for personal gain (to end loneliness, to fix feeling left out, to cure a low self esteem need)? Seeking dating or marriage for selfish motives leads to heartache.
God created relationships so both people are blessed! May we seek to be a blessing. Part of that is seeking to know what the other person perceives as a blessing, not just what we want to offer.
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