Do you love you? I know it may seem like a silly question, yet it is an important question. How we feel about ourselves impacts every relationship we have.
We accept the love we feel we deserve.
I am working on a book about insecurity. One of the issues with insecurity is it attracts poor treatment which causes feelings of rejection. These feelings of rejection lead to more insecurity that attracts poor treatment. The poor treatment creates wounds of rejection. The cycle continues.
Insecurity is a lack of love for oneself. It is an image of self that is tainted and twisted. This tainted view can lead to fear, lack of proper boundaries, people pleasing, jealousy, control, being easily offended, enabling, abuse, codependency, accepting poor treatment, promiscuity, over indulging, gross selfishness, putting self or others down, shame, or overgiving/overinvesting.
Insecurity is an issue that began in the Garden of Eden and has continued to plague mankind. There is a solution for insecurity that comes in relationship with God. He is pure love. His love casts out all fear, insecurity, and identity issues.
True identity comes from knowing who God is and then who we are in Christ. The only sure and stable identity is in God.
The truest love we will ever know comes from God. God love is pure/holy, not based on our merit or behavior, and fills us to overflowing.
We must know God’s love for ourselves before we can love another or receive love from another. I will repeat this again…we must know God’s love for ourselves.
My close friends have heard it over and over, it is not love God, then others, yourself last. I want to burn every t-shirt or meme with this statement enscribed there. The flow of love goes like this, “God so loved the world. We receive God’s love. Once we receive God’s love we love ourselves. We give the love God offers back to Him and love our neighbor AS we love ourselves.”
We cannot love our neighbor as we love ourselves if we do not love ourselves. It will not happen!
We can can only give what we possess and release what we carry. If you ask me for 10 dollars and I have no money, I can not give you any money. So, we are encouraged by Jesus to abide in the Vine (Him) and there would be abundant fruit (John 15:4-5).
What does loving yourself look like?
1. Finding your identity in God instead of things, people, relationships, looks, material things, or opinions of others.
2. Forgiving yourself as God does. God does not bring up stuff we have repented of and laid before Him. As far as the east is from the west, that is how far He removes our transgressions from us.
3. Speaking well of yourself. Putting ourselves down is not helpful. Speak life! If you need some help click here 110 Affirmations with Scriptures.
4. Setting healthy boundaries. Are you allowing things in your life that are unhealthy, stress you out? Do you have people who put you down or treat you bad and you let them? Do you say yes to things you do not want to do? It’s a new year…you can start afresh with in tact boundaries.
5. Taking care of your mind, body, spirit. Are you taking care of yourself? If you do not, who will? Yes God supplies all our needs according to His riches in glory. He also will not possess us to go to the gym, not binge eat, brush our teeth or hair, study the Bible, meditate on good things. We have to do those things. We are entrusted to take care of many aspects of our lives.
6. Quit accepting toxic relationships. I believe we are called to love everyone. I do not believe we are called to be best friends or close friends with everyone. Why? Bad company corrupts good character. Who we connect with deeply impacts our lives.
Is that person kind to you or do they put you down?
Do you do all of the investing or do they invest too?
Do they keep your confidences or are they the town gossip?
How do they treat your friends and family?
Is the relationship filled with peace, love, and joy or confusion, chaos, endless tears?
Do you feel safe, valued, appreciated, seen, and heard?
Is it about mutual investment or all about the other person?
We should not enter relationships for what we can gain. We should also assess relationships that are mostly one sided or leave us in constant tears or confusion. We should assess relationships where we do not feel safe or genuinely cared for and loved.
So I end this post asking, “Do you love you?”