Life requires balance. Only God can continuously pour out without depletion. Only God can meet everyone’s needs. He is not asking us to be Him. He gives each of us specific things to do and a season to do them.
For all the givers in the world here are my 10 commandments of self care. If you just take from people and invest zero, these apply solely to givers/investors.
“Self care: putting your needs above another’s wants.
Selfishness: putting your wants above another’s needs.”
1. It’s okay to say no.
I like the word no. Saying no enables you to say yes to what truly matters.
Every assignment, opportunity, relationship is not your assignment. Ask God where to invest. God may have someone else better suited to do whatever it is or connect with that person. And do not feel guilty for placing people, situations in the hands of God.
2. You are not God.
Do not let people put you in His place. There are things they need to get straight from Him. I ask people sometimes-have you prayed about this? Talked to God?
3. Rest is a weapon.
Schedule rest if you need to. Turn off the phone, book a retreat, stay home, lock yourself in the bathroom, go for a long drive, take a sabbatical, book a vacation or staycation…
4. Assess the takers in your life.
Are you enabling them? Has your desire to give merged into codependency? Say NO to enabling poor treatment. Say NOoooooo to codependency. I like the phrase, “Your crisis does not constitute my emergency.”
Turn the other cheek is not about being a doormat or enabling poor treatment. Jesus corrected people.
Every person is responsible for their own life and choices, unless it’s an infant.
5. Do not let people guilt you into doing more than you can do, or anything at all.
6. Find out who and what your priorities are.
Once you know your best yes, you can say no to what is not. The goal is to honor God and prevent burnout.
Cease making people a priority when they should not be. Big lesson learned for me the past few years.
7. Can you meet the need? Should you? Is God asking you to?
If it’s life or death, well get some help or help. Other things, well think about what you are saying yes to.
8. Get the details? What does this assignment, opportunity, or relationship entail?
Better to know up front than later. Pay attention. Some people will attach to you to meet a need. Once their need is gone they will ditch you for the next fix. Some will see your gifting, talent, skills, (fill in whatever you have to offer), who you know, and seek to cling to you for selfish motives.
Are you a friend or simply a resource? Friendship involves mutual investment. If it’s one sided all the time, it’s not a friendship.
9. Do nice things for you! ❤️💯
Love yourself. It’s okay to do nice things just for you. It is not selfish, it’s healthy.
10. Tell people what your needs are/have some investors in your life.
If people are accustomed to you being there for them, they may never ask if you need something or how you are doing. Have a circle that is invested in you and care about your needs/desires.