Myth: Church Attendance=Disciple of Jesus (Relationship Series) 

I’ve heard many people say, “But I met them at church or on a Christian dating site, they must be great.” 

We have been told by God over and over in His word to test spirits, test prophetic words, assess the character of prophets, and to look at the fruit in the lives of those we will connect our lives to. 

The Bible does not say, “You will know them by their church attendance. You will know them by their denomination.” 

Jesus said, “You will know My disciples by their love for one another,” (John 13:34-35). He said, “We know a tree by the fruit it bears.

It’s imperative to discern the character of a person. 

I’m an observer. I watch people. I don’t watch them to judge them. I watch them because I’m a scientist. I observe and collect data. 

I’ve met people in worship gatherings who said all the right things, sang beautifully, operated in the gifts of the Spirit; they did not possess righteous character. Some cheated on their spouses. Some lied. Some did horrible things. Their character did not align with the character of Jesus. 

Our character is refined over time and through relationship with God. We are becoming like Him in character through relationship and over time. 

Some things to think about (Disclaimer, follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. These are things to think about not rules to follow. Each person needs to have their own hearing from and confirmation from God.): 

1. Can anyone else vouch for this person’s relationship with God? 

2. How does this person treat the weak, poor, or unfortunate? 

3. How does this person handle their mistakes? Blame everyone else or accept responsibility. 

4. Do they tell the truth? 

5. Are they concerned about the wellbeing of others? 

6. How do they treat those who can offer them nothing? 

7. How do they handle stress? Disappointment? 

8. How do they handle money? 

9. If they’ve dated before would their ex say they were a blessing? 

10. How do they talk about other people? Putting down or building up. 

11. Are they faithful to keep their word? 

12. Are they growing with God? 

13. How close or deep is their relationship with God? (The vertical affects the horizontal). 

14. Are they helpful? 

15. Do they reciprocate? Do they initiate care and concern?

16. Are they discipling or assisting anyone else in becoming like Jesus?

17. Are they trustworthy? Could you trust them with your secrets, with the opposite sex, with your bank information…

18. How do they treat your friends and/or family? 

19. Do they try to make amends and easily forgive? 

20. Have you spent time to see the seasons of their life? People show you their best when they want to make a good impression. Have you been with them enough to see how they handle challenges? 

The character of a person outweighs the physical, emotional, and friendship connection. Those things are important, they do not trump character. Looks fade. Studies have shown after 7 years the pheromones that drive you crazy begin to lose their punch. Hence the 7 year itch. Emotional connections can deepen or fade. Many affairs start off as emotional affairs. Friendships can grow or be severely damaged by losing trust. If the person does not have noble character, the other components can fall flat. 

Only Jesus is perfect. It is not a quest for perfection. It is an investigative look into the character of a person. Before you say, “I do,” it’s good to investigate, “Who are you? Who are you really?” 

As stated in so many posts, I pray, “God show me who this person really is?” I pray, watch and pray. He always answers this prayer. Without fail God answers this prayer. 

Best wishes to you! 

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day! ♥️💯 You are so deeply loved. 


3 thoughts on “Myth: Church Attendance=Disciple of Jesus (Relationship Series) 

  1. Erin,
    I largely agree with the advise you give here, but I have a problem reconciling the making of choices especially of partners that is based on an analysis of current profile of the individual on the one hand and the leading of the Holy Spirit (who knows the future we are not aware of) on the other.
    In an earlier comment I had made reference to the story of Hosea and Gommer to which you said it was just a message for the nation of Israel. As I read this post, the story of Isaac and Rebeca came to mind and I’d really like to hear what you think about that considering they had not met each other before they got married.
    As I read through the list of 20 things you highlight to think about when evaluating a marriage partner, I wondered how many married people can honestly say that they met those before saying, ‘I do’ – married for 10 years now, I can say I was very far from them, but hopefully have grown closer over time.

    Please note I am not trying to downplay the place of good character in suitability of a partner, but rather for a desire to encourage believers learn to depend more on the leadership of our indwelling Lord in our decision making and choices (not only in marriage, but in every area) , and less on externals that may change over time.

    Together in Him,

    • Patrick,

      Thank you for taking the time to reply. You are loved.

      My list is a “Things to think about,” not a “You must follow the list.” Every person needs to follow what God tells them to do. I have met far too many people though who are in horrible marriages because they did not assess the character of their mate. I will give you some examples. All of these people married “Christians.”

      One lady her husband has been abusing her verbally for 20 years. He went to church but had no deep connection with God. She’s been tormented for 20 years. He’s not growing to become more like Jesus. He’s not a disciple of Jesus. He’s someone who went to church.

      Another lady said she felt the Lord was highlighting this man for her to marry. He’s been abusing her for years. She’s completely shut down emotionally and blames herself for the abuse.

      There’s another lady who felt God told her to marry this man. She didn’t take the time to assess his character, he is a homosexual who regularly did drugs, partied, and cheated on her with men. He was not a disciple of Jesus. He was going to church and playing a role. He left her with 3 kids. She ended up raising on her own. She’s never been the same. A beautiful woman messed up by a prophetic word. I believe a demonic prophetic word.

      For every story someone gives me of “God told me to marry this person,” and it worked out great, I can give you dozens of stories where it was hell and someone’s life was destroyed. Utterly destroyed.

      My goal isn’t to limit people or tell them what to do. My goal is to help people investigate the situation before leaping into something that’s more binding than buying a house or car. People who buy houses do an inspection. We have people jumping into marriage based on “He or she goes to church or ‘God’ told me,” that should not get married! They spent no time looking at the character of a person.

      I agree, you should follow God. Yet we have many who don’t even know the voice of God being led into a ditch.

      I’m happy you have a great marriage. I pray it stays that way. Yet my purpose is to help people, hopefully, before they end up in a situation that God didn’t lead them into. Maybe that’s 1 less divorce. I will go back and add a disclaimer, “Follow Holy Spirit,” but I think the list is something to think about. God bless you.

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