God is a gift giver and loves to give good gifts to His children. He tells us…
Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above; it comes down from the Father of lights [the Creator and Sustainer of the heavens], in whom there is no variation [no rising or setting] or shadow cast by His turning [for He is perfect and never changes],~James 1:17 (Amplified).
Are you preparing for what you are asking Him for? Becoming the type of person you’d want to be with?
How Does One Prepare?
1. Putting God First; Seeking Him Above All Things
If intimacy with God is sought before a mate, there’s a higher probability of maintaining proper focus and healthy identity.
Marriage is one of the acceptable idols in our culture and the church. Identity in marital status is seen everywhere. Marriage is seen as validation when God is supposed to be the One who defines who a person is.
Seeking a spouse to fill a need only God can fill is actually idolatry. He’s the Source of eternal love, identity, security, peace, joy, hope. A spouse is to compliment, not complete or replace God.
No spouse can be God. He has no equals. He cannot be replaced with a human being. Even married couples are supposed to seek Him first before each other. Meaning personal relationship with God doesn’t end because someone said “I do.”
2. Pursue Soul Healing
Brokenness attracts brokenness. Marriage does not fix brokenness it amplifies it. If there are issues in the soul (fear, insecurity, depression, lust, selfishness, poor spending habits, addiction, anger, low self esteem), it’s a great time before marriage to allow God to work on those things.
One of my frequent prayers is, “God purge my soul of anything that isn’t like You! I want nothing in common with darkness.” He has been and is working out His character in my life and healing my soul.
Say what? Yes I said serve. A child of God is called to be a servant. Leaders are servants. It’s easy to serve someone when there is personal gain. What happens when they have nothing to offer?
Science has shown that chemicals and hormones play a role in connecting people. These do not last, once they wear off…that’s when many people say they are no longer “in love.” The passion and chemistry that was helped along by hormones has diminished.
If the mentality is, “This person will make me feel good, help me, support me…” What happens when they can’t? Then there’s discontentment or searching for someone else who can fulfill a need.
We can always serve. Psychologists have shown the one who gives is the one who eventually grows to love. They are invested. Consumers don’t stay in love for they have nothing invested. Hence the Bible telling us to give, and do nothing out of selfish ambition. Love gives. It’s a good lesson to learn before “I do.” It’s for life.
I had a lady tell me once she needed a really hot husband who could make her happy. I said, “What if he gets sick and can’t do anything for you,” she responded, “I don’t think I could stay with him.”
Our culture promotes selfishness. It’s not Christlike. Jesus was and is a servant.
Selfishness differs from self care. We are to take care of ourselves: rest, eat healthy, take breaks, set boundaries, and fuel our spirit/body/soul good things.
4. Pray For That Future Person
Why not? If marriage is your desire, praying for your future spouse is an investment. Everyone needs prayer. There’s a great book on the market called Heavenly Union. Great for already married couples too! Highly recommend. It’s only $6.99 for Kindle. The prayers are scripture prayers.
Heavenly Union: Decrees for a Heavenly Marriage
5. Save Some Money and Pay Off Debt
I’m not saying this is a requirement. Just wouldn’t it be nice to go in with something? I read somewhere that the average American wedding was ~30,000. There are some starting their lives together in significant debt: loans, credit cards.
I admit I have student loans and a house loan. These will take a while to pay off. Yet I’m doing what I can to invest in God’s Kingdom and save.
- God first: 10%
- Bills (house, utilities, food/gas…)
- Offerings: 3 to 5%
- Blessing others: 5 to 10%
- Savings/Retirement: 15 to 20%
I could bump up my savings and not give offerings or bless people, yet that doesn’t fit my core value of generosity. I’ve found that being a blessing to others never leaves me with less than I need. God always sends it back, multiplied!
There’s overgiving, make sure you’re paying your bills and using wisdom. Yet don’t be afraid to give and save.
Money causes many arguments in relationships. Learning how to budget and manage it is a good skill to have. I’m still learning too, so much! I don’t like to spend, I like to save and invest. Seeking wisdom on investing so God gets more return. It’s His money, we are stewards.
Highly recommend Dave Ramsey’s resources.
Dave Ramsey Financial Freedom Website
Lastly, prayer for you.
Papa God I ask for all the singles desiring marriage that You would prepare them and their future spouse for each other. I ask for souls to be healed, identies rooted in You, wisdom in choosing a spouse, freedom from choosing out of loneliness/need/fear/lust or selfish reasons. I ask for a deeper revelation of Your great love! In Jesus powerful name. Amen.