Seek Wholeness of Soul (Relationship Series) 

Two halves don’t make a whole person, and two severely broken people don’t have a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship requires at least one healthy person. 

I had a lady tell me I didn’t know anything about marriage because I’m not married. Jesus was never married. Apostle Paul was unmarried. Many of the passages on marriage conduct were written by Paul. 

I’ve watched healthy and unhealthy marriages, and helped married couples (mainly the wife) and seen God restore marriages. 

Disclaimer: I am not trying to give anyone marriage advice. Nope.

I wasn’t trying to give her marriage advice either. My statement was in regards to keeping God first, as humans cannot meet all our needs. 

She grew angry as her husband was the greatest priority above everyone and everything. This ended in devastation. I tried to warn, not preach. Yet every one makes their own choices and she gets to try again with another hubbie. There’s love, mercy, and abounding grace… 

So as I write, please know I don’t think I’m the expert, nor am I trying to tell you what to do. There’s freedom in Christ and everyone must follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. 

Today, I wanted to talked about wholeness of soul. 

What is the soul? It’s your mind, will, heart, emotions. It’s separate but connected to your spirit. 

The spirit of a person is made perfect at conversion, the soul is being sanctified over time with God.  The spirit of a born again believer can be on fire for God and the soul sick or a hot mess. 

Have you seen the movie Inside Out by Pixar? Love and recommend. Our soul can be like sadness or fear and our spirit flooded with joy. 

There’s joy dragging sadness around! Photo courtesy of Pixar. 

I’m not stating we will never feel fear or sadness if we are healthy. Nope. When we are consumed with perpetual fear or sadness or insecurity, therein lies the problem. 

Over the years I’ve done lots of study on the soul, inner healing, overcoming trauma, deliverance, and bringing health to the soul. 

I’ve found through research and the word of God that a sick or wounded soul affects the entire being (physical and spiritual). It also deeply impacts relationships and intimacy with others.

James 1:21 tells us to “receive and welcome the Word which implanted and rooted [in your hearts] contains the power to save your souls” The word “save” means “to save one suffering from disease, to make well, heal, restore to health.” 

Quote is from Soul Decrees by Katie Souza. Use the Word of God to heal the soul. 

Some soul conditions are deemed normal but they cause problems in relationships: 

  • Insecurity
  • Excessive fear and worry
  • Low self worth, self hatred
  • Jealousy
  • Bitterness/unforgiveness
  • Unresolved anger/rage
  • Lust 
  • Soul depression/oppression (not all depression is medical-some is in the soul)
  • Desire to control or manipulate

The soul needs TLC. Over time we are exposed to so much pain, rejection, hurt, loss, grief, and over time you notice children lose some of their joy and sense of wonder. So much is deposited on the soul. Our natural, purest state is love, peace, and joy. 

Life lessons: 

I dated the same guy through high school and most of college. I wish I knew then what I know now. We both suffered some pretty big traumas in life that neither of us knew how to heal. This made things challenging. At the time you forgave people and grieved. I had no clue and didn’t until recently on how to heal the soul. 

This guy wanted to get married. I declined. It wasn’t the easiest thing to do, when you’ve known someone for 9 years. Yet it wasn’t right and God told me no. I will spare you details. Just know a yes would not have been good. No Bueno! 

Looking back from then until today, so many things have changed in my soul. Even the past week with my fellowship group we have been doing several different methods of soul healing and inner healing. 

I can not imagine walking into marriage with the guy from my past or even today without addressing soul wounds. Our soul is wounded by trauma, prolonged sickness (our own or close family members), death of a loved one, persecution, being sinned against, our own sin, rejection, etc… 

If we are struggling in our soul, many times we will attract those with similar issues or who reinforce our issues. 

I hear ladies say, “I seem to keep attracting the same type of guy and he breaks my heart.” That’s an indicator for me to check the soul. 

It’s good to be healthy in spirit, soul, and body. God desires that our soul prospers and is in health. 

Some Resources for You: 


  • Soul Decrees by Katie Souza
  • Breaking Free by Beth Moore (book and video series available at Lifeway)

There are so many resources I will maybe do a separate post reviewing them for you. 

Inner healing is powerful. Once the soul is healed and it’s a process, the rest of the body flourishes. The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is pursuing wholeness because intimacy does not diminish issues, it highlights them. 

Healing the soul also improves friendships and family relationships. 

Papa God I thank You for Your unconditional love and ability to heal our souls. Every wound or issue in our soul, I ask that it would receive Your cleansing. Healing and restoration be imparted to every part of our being. In Jesus powerful name, amen. 




Choosing God’s Best 

Do you have God’s vision for your life? Do you know why you were born? Does the person you’re romantically interested in share that vision? Are you headed in the same direction? Hopefully towards God. Are you on the same page or hoping to get there after I do? Are you accepting the person as is or hoping you can mold them into what you think you need or want? Are you there to give or help or take? Is this God’s best or what’s readily available?

What’s the God given vision for your life:

I was one of those strange kids who was always planning and executing. I had quite the adventure going on underneath my parents dining room table. I mean I’d spend hours creating by myself or working on a project or reading. 

I know who I am and truly believe I have a somewhat grasp on why I am here on earth. My life vision from God involves taking the Gospel to the Nations, discipling others so they can walk as Jesus walked, writing books/music that “hopefully” bring Him great glory. I have a passion to represent His love and power in the earth. I’m a worshipper. I was born to worship Him, to bring Him glory. I wake up early to worship Him and end the day worshipping God. I have a vision of reaching the Nations with His love, His word, and His healing. This vision drives me. And His great love. The book blog is already reaching over 120 countries with the word. Each day reaching people all over the world. 

So when I meet men who want a sidekick, a silent partner, a woman with no vision/ambition, who will simply drop any call God has on her life to silently support them (wrong understanding of the word helper used for woman and Holy Spirit in the Bible), I must say, “I don’t.

I think of the strong women in the Bible who submitted to God and changed Nations (Deborah, Esther). They obeyed God rather than man. They made their first allegiances to God. That’s my desire. For God to get the greatest glory from my life. He’s first. 

He’s a Good, Good Father!

I think God is good. Don’t you agree? 

I think He joins two people who can both fulfill the call on their lives. Maybe not at the same time all the time, yet I have seen it and it’s beautiful. God never intended for woman to be the slave of man. The word head used as man is the head of woman means, man is where she came from like the head of a river. God pulled Eve out of Adam. It was never to mean than man becomes God and woman has no purpose other than wife/mum (yes noble/good). Women were prophets, judges, followers of Jesus, taught men, evangelists…if you want a great book that dissects Paul’s letters that seem to limit women check out The 10 Lies the Church Tells Women to Keep Them in Bondage by Lee Grady

Even God doesn’t treat people like silent partners or sidekicks. He raises His children up to heavenly places and makes them coheirs with Christ. He empowers His children.  He gives life, and Jesus laid down His life. Jesus doesn’t abuse, dominate, control, silence, bully, or mistreat His Bride. He loves her, and leads as a servant. 

You have a purpose and vision too! 

Even if we don’t have an identical mission; You’ll be a missionary in China. We have the base mission from Jesus. He said: Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. 

We have a base base mission to put God first (not a spouse or family or friend), love God, love ourselves (needed to love the neighbor), love our neighbor as ourselves, make disciples, heal the sick, deliver the oppressed…freely we have received and freely we are to give. 

So if you’re a follower of Jesus and someone comes along and they have no vision, no desire to do what Jesus said, how can the two of you become one and fulfill a mission together? 

I lead teams and one rogue team member sets the team off course. There’s tension, disappointment, and frustration. God is not the author of confusion or chaos.

Joining two lives/two families:

Marriage is a covenant. A joining of two lives, bodies, and a knitting together of souls. If there is not shared vision, there is division. 

So if you’re dating, what’s God’s vision for your Union? How will you fulfill it together? 

If you’re interested in someone, what’s their vision or calling from God? If you are called to travel the world setting up mission bases and they hate traveling, how’s that going to work? 

What’s your vision/plan for parenting/discipling or caring for children, caring for the home, finances, giving, serving God, caring for elderly parents, handling conflict? 

God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows what we want, what we need, and what we were created for. Truly believe God gives His best to us. No human is perfect, so it’s not about perfection. It’s about God offering what’s a mutual blessing. 

People keep telling me to settle for okay, good, and some not so good. Yet I know my Father, He’s amazing. He knows me and why I was born. He gives GOOD, excellent gifts. He’s no deadbeat Dad. And if I never marry you will find me blissfully happy dancing before my King because I want Him (God) more than anything. 

So my challenge for you is this. 

  • Pray and ask God to send You His very best. 
  • Ask Him to prepare you both to be what’s best for the other person. 
  • Dive deep into intimacy with God. 
  • Let God heal and meet those needs first. 
  • Love God first and most. 
  • And most of all don’t settle for something God wouldn’t be honored to give you. Or marry someone as a project or for their potential (listen to God). 



Marriage Doesn’t Cure Lust

Photo credit: Pinterest

Here’s the prayer first for those who don’t like to read: 

Check this out from Ransomed Heart Ministries: “Prayer for Sexual Healing” – Prayer for Healing from Sexual Brokeness

The Bible tells us to pursue purity. Purity is more than not having sex. Yes I said the s word. The Church needs to talk about it because the world is saturated with impurity. God created sex & called it good (between husband & wife). The devil made sex about self, worship of it, perversion of it, & brought shame to it. Jesus came and redeemed it…He showed a human could walk in purity. 

Purity is a heart issue. Marriage does not cure lust any more than going to a bar cures alcoholism or an all you can eat Buffett cures gluttony. Lust is about pleasing yourself, gratifying self. Love is about giving. 

You may say, I’ve never had sex outside marriage so I don’t need this prayer. A person can be married and filled with lust. And our world bombards us with images, stories, even songs that feed our soul lustful things. 

This prayer covers fantasy, images, pornography, sex outside marriage, sexual assault, self gratification, lust of the eye (you’re not engaging, you’re feasting with your eye gate for your pleasure). 

Wholeness is available in Christ. He so longs for us to love. Love like Him. When Adam saw his unclothed wife, his first response wasn’t “Man she’s hot! I can’t wait to lay with her.” Nope. He loved her. He prophesied over her, “This is bone of my bone. Flesh of my flesh.” 

Before the fall, Adam & Eve were motivated to connect because of love, not lust. So our “men will be men,” is simply our affirming the ways of the devil. It’s not of God. God is not lustful. 

Lastly, the desire to have physical intimacy with someone is God given. The desire to take from someone or use them for self gratification is sin. 

Great resources also available at 

Whatever is pure, whatever is lovely…think on those things. 

Love in Christ,