Photo credit: Pinterest
This is a post I wrote for my Tumblr account, yet thought it might encourage you. Our culture worships being in love, feelings, and sex. God is the true source of love. If He is not, the things I mentioned become idols (demigods) in our lives. They lead to chronic disappointment and addiction; addicted to relationships, addicted to trashy novels, addicted to pleasure, addicted to romantic movies, addicted to sexual images or engaging in inappropriate sexual activities. God’s love produces life. Human love fails. Here’s the post. Blessings to you!
Falling in Love
Have you ever noticed in the movies people “fall” in love. The term is linked to passion, attraction, butterflies, and increased hormones. People fall in love, then they live happily ever after…I wish someone would write a real love story.
I want to see the “after”, after the hormone high fades. What happens when life doesn’t work out exactly as planned, when older parents become sick, when having kids puts a strain on your marriage, when the butterflies are gone, when there’s a job loss or betrayal, or you simply can’t stand the sight of the other person? That’s normally when people fall “out of love.”
I hear people say, “Our chemistry is gone,” or “We grew apart.”
These are real possibilities. If you fall in love, you can fall out of love. However, if you choose love, it’s always available.
Here are some things my parents who were married many decades taught me about love. My mum passed so that’s the only reason they aren’t together. I added some from other couples too!
1. You’re not always going to feel loving towards people. You choose to love them because God loves you.
2. Treat people better than they deserve because of who you are.
3. You can’t change people, nor should you try. You are only in control of you.
4. Don’t make your spouse God. They can’t save you or meet all your needs.
5. Love yourself!
6. Be a good friend. After years together, what will keep you hanging on and thriving is friendship.
7. Forgive. Forgive again!!! And again! And again!…
8. Don’t be a doormat. Every relationship needs boundaries.
9. Speak well of and show honor. Present them in the best light possible.
10. Work on you! Become the best person you can be. Don’t make a spouse your entire world.
11. Selfishness leads to misery.
12. What you nurture grows. What you starve dies. Relationships require mutual investment.
13. Tell the truth! Even if it hurts. Be a person of integrity.
14. Communication is important.
15. Settle disagreements quickly.
16. Protect your investment.
17. There’s always going to be someone with traits you like that your spouse doesn’t have, your job is to nurture your relationship. Don’t leave 80% for 20%.
18. God first, people second. If God is first it will help all other relationships.
19. Guard your eyes and heart. Affairs are prevalent in our culture. It starts with a thought. Cast it down. It’s not worth it.
20. Be your mates cheerleader and advocate. It’s a partnership. It’s a team. Both members are valuable, powerful, and need support. Share the workload.
21. Don’t put your kids above your spouse.
22. Don’t let yourself go! Take care of yourself for your spouse and yourself.
23. Find out what the other person likes and do it!!!
24. Don’t focus on finding the right person. Focus on being the right person.
25. Marriage is a covenant that’s meant to be for life. It’s joining two people together as one. It’s okay to truly evaluate if it’s the right decision. Pray, seek wise council, and investigate a person’s character.
26. Talk to God about your mate. It works better than nagging or holding grudges. God can do more in a moment than anyone can in a lifetime.
27. Marry the person who draws you closer to God and is a best friend.
28. Have fun!
29. During hard seasons pray and don’t rely on feelings.
30. Seek God for identity and security. Make Him your primary Source to prevent burnout.
Love is something we feel and choose…choosing to love a person is far more beneficial. Feelings are fickle and change like wind. People also cannot meet all our expectations. People change. People hurt us. If we are not choosing love, then we will only love when we feel like it, when it benefits us, when our needs are being met, or until someone shinier comes along. Granted if you’re being abused, seek help. Love sets boundaries and requires respect, honor, and it protects.