The Single Reality (Part 5)

Overcoming the Challenges of Being Single

My dear friends. Soon we will have some guest authors submitting posts for you. How exciting! I hope you are enjoying the posts. Here are some of the challenges of being single that I have heard people speak of and some ways to overcome them.

1. What about my needs? I thought we would start with talking about the media’s favorite subjects love and sex.  God made humans with the desire for love and sex. Our media does not portray it the way God intended, but the desires to mate are not sinful.  The problem comes when there is no outlet for unmet needs. People rush to the altar to have those needs met instead of asking God for peace in the current state of being without someone. Should you get married for those reasons? I am not here to judge. To each his/her own. However, if you don’t have someone and want to follow Jesus, then sex outside of marriage is against His will. So, what do you do?

a. Pray. Ask God to calm your desires until love arrives or give you the ability to not be perpetually frustrated. God is able to keep those who want to be kept. Jesus lived without a spouse, so did Paul and many others. It can be done. God’s Spirit is able to calm the fiercest drives. Many have prayed for contentment unless God led them to marry.

b.Pay Attention to What You Read/Watch/Listen To. Our books, music, and movies glorify sex outside of committment. Sometimes they throw a sultry scene in the middle of a movie with no point at all. The same goes for romance movies/books. If you are saturated with scenes, images, etc…of what you don’t have and can’t do, you will be frustrated. What you take in does matter. I am not saying you can’t go to the movies, etc…I am saying if you are struggling, it may not be helping out.

c. What You Feed Grows. What You Starve Dies. Our appetites are tied to what we are feeding. Whatever we indulge in is what we will crave. Those who struggle with lust are not cured by marriage. Lust is a hungry beast that is never satisfied.

2. Married and Engaged Couples. Some of your lovely friends are headed to the chapel. And you aren’t. You are happy for them, but they are not thinking about you. They are thinking about themselves, how happy they are. They say things like, “I am so glad I am not single anymore.” Or, “We need to find you someone.” Or, “Your day will come.” Aside from being a different category, you may notice that you lose friends as they get married. Their focus turns towards their families. So, what do you do.

a. Be Happy for Others and Understand Happy People Can Be Insensitive. I have heard married people say ridiculous things to singles. I have heard them brag, boast, and even talk about their sex lives. Try not to take it personal. It seems in the church the only things people are allowed to brag about are their significant others or children. It’s socially acceptable. Even unhappy people brag and can be insensitive. Let it roll off. If people insist on asking you about your love life or lack of one, limit time with people like that or tell them you don’t want to discuss your personal life.

3. Wanting a Family. For those who don’t have a close family, family members are dead, or want kids, the wait or prospect of not having a family is disheartening. How to deal.

a. Pray. God hears your prayers. If you want a family, pray for one. In the meantime try to connect with a church, others who share the same interests, neighbors, and community service activities. Invest in others. God will send you people who can be a substitute family. If you want people to ask about your life, start engaging with others about their lives. Also don’t limit yourself to people in your church. I have a single friend who met amazing people within a hiking group. There are still good people in the world, waiting to meet you!

b. Kick Your Biological Clock. Today people are able to have children later in life. Heck, in the Bible people had children later in life. God is not limited by time or anything. He called the Universe into being.

4. Social Activities. Wedding invitations are flooded to your inbox and couples are everywhere. You don’t want to go alone or be the third wheel. You want a travel buddy.

a. Make friends with members of the opposite sex. It may be awkward, but men and women can be friends. If that doesn’t work you can always see if another friend you know is available to go. It’s easier said than done, but it’s a way to get over the hurdle of people asking you why you aren’t with someone. You are a treasure and just because someone hasn’t noticed, doesn’t take away from your value. A diamond is a diamond, whether it’s on someone’s finger or perfectly polished on the shelf.

Lastly my friends, no matter what you face God is with you and for you. You are not alone or without help or hope. You are a valued, treasure and God sees the desires of you heart. You are in my thoughts and prayers. 🙂

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