The Single Reality (Part 1)
Good afternoon friends. I decided to devote the next few posts to the topic of singleness. There are blogs for married couples, blogs for people with children, blogs with relationship advice, but I have found few that positively deal with being single. So here goes…
Here’s some stats from 2010 reported by CNN.
“There are 96 million people in the United States who have no spouse. That means 43 percent of all Americans over the age of 18 are single, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. “Single” is defined as adults who have never been married, are divorced or are widowed in the bureau’s America’s Families and Living Arrangements survey of 2009. Of the singletons, 61 percent of them have never said “I do.” Twenty-four percent are divorced and 15 percent are widowed.,” http://articles.cnn.com/
I read an article in the gym last week that stated the number of people not getting married has increased to close to 55 percent. So, if you are not married, you are not alone. More people are seeking higher education than in the past and delaying marriage or forfeiting it all together. Some people have chosen to remain single until they are financially or emotionally ready. There are more options today than there were in our parents and grandparents day. I believe marriage is noble and honorable. I also believe being single is noble and honorable as well.
Here Are Some Truths About Being Single:
1. Single doesn’t have to mean lonely . Since there are so many single people in the world there is an opportunity to build community, make new family, volunteer, and serve without limitations. I know married people who are lonely, so don’t let status cripple you.
2. Your identity is not in your status, it’s in who you are in Christ. Most people ask you two questions when they meet you. “What do you do?” and “Are you married?” Single/Married is not your identity. Your identity is a child of God. A beloved, valuable child of God.
3.Being single does not mean something is wrong with you. I have met single and married people who have tons of baggage and if you needed to be perfect to find someone to love you, no one would ever get married. 🙂 There’s a key for every lock.
4. Just because you have not met someone you want to spend your life with does not mean you can’t or won’t.
5. Being a single Christian means pursuing God without distractions. There are so many things that can be done for God and the world during the time frame of being single. See 1 Corinthians 7. I am not saying marriage is a limitation. I am saying take advantage of the time you have to pursue God alone. Get to know Him and cultivate a relationship with Him.
6. Single doesn’t have to mean miserable. I know people say, “One is the loneliest number.” I truly believe if you decide to live life to the fullest despite status, then you can be happy and content in any circumstances. If you have a relationship with God, then you are never alone. If you have a church family, then you are also never alone.
Some Truths About Marriage (from my married friends):
1. Being married will not make you happy if you are miserable alone. One person cannot take the weight of being responsible for another person’s happiness. If we seek happiness from external sources, we will be disappointed. Happiness starts within.
2. Being married and miserable is far worse than being single and miserable. This is a quote I have heard from married friends. So, take your time and marry because it’s right, not to check a box. Marriage was intended to be for life, for better or worse.
3. Marriage is about serving and loving another person. It is a covenant of faithfulness and self-sacrifice. Selfishness must die. See 1 Corinthians 7.
4. Getting married for the wrong reasons can lead to heartache. Don’t rush to the altar because everyone else is. Plan for a marriage (a lifetime together) instead of just planning for a wedding.
5. Don’t get married thinking you’ll change someone. What you see is what you get, unless there is divine intervention.
6. Getting married doesn’t fix low self-esteem, it increases the ability to see your flaws.
7. Marriage is awesome when you marry your best friend. So, cultivate friendship.
I hope these lists were helpful. Whether you want to get married or stay single, you are not alone. There are millions of people in the world just like you. Don’t allow external pressures, a biological clock, or need to fit in, push you into a relationship. God knows the plans that He has for you. They are good plans. My prayer is that no day is wasted. Don’t waste a day waiting for the one to show up, enjoy being with the One (Jesus). If marriage is your dream, trust Him. Connect your heart to His and enjoy the adventure. Make friends, cultivate family with other friends, volunteer, serve, travel, and most of all LIVE! No one should feel sorry for you. The world is your oyster! You +God=exciting adventures. Blog with you soon.
Leave comments if there is a topic related to being single you would like for me to address.