The Single Reality (Part 2)

Are you half of a person or a whole person?

I’ve heard so many people say that single people are half of a person. Unless they get married they will not be whole. I have found no scripture in the bible to validate this statement. The verse that is used to attempt to validate that claim is when God spoke of it not being good for Adam to be alone, He would make a suitable helper for him, Genesis 2: 18. One of God’s intention in creating people was to fill the earth with His offspring. Adam could not reproduce with the animals.  Adam and Eve were the first family. It had to start somewhere. Adam did need another person like him to reproduce and though animals make great companions, it is not the same as having someone like you as a companion. God did a wonderful thing in creating family.

Today, in 2012, it seems we are never alone. Each person is born into a family. Every person is born with a mother and father, even if they don’t know  their mother or father. Not only are we born into families, we have a church family. God has it set up where no person has to be alone. He gave us His Holy Spirit as a Comforter, Healer, Teacher, and Companion. So we have full access to God 24/7. We are never alone. He gave us this promise, “I set the lonely in families,” Psalm 68:6. Our loving God set it up so those without a natural family can have family in His family.

We cannot take life without a spouse as a sign of an inadequate life. If Apostle Paul had done that we would not have most of the New Testament. If he spent his life feeling like half of a person who would never have happiness apart from marriage, he would not have pursued Christ the way he did. He spoke of the bliss that can be found in pure devotion to Christ. It is possible. Now, if a person desires to be married, then it is a noble thing. But you are not half of a person without a spouse. In Christ, we are made complete and whole. The truth is if you marry someone thinking they will fix low self-esteem or loneliness, you might be surprised that the person you marry is human too. Spouses aren’t saviors, nor are they God. Only God can provide true identity. Only Christ centered identity is secure. And only God can make a person whole.

So if you are single, devote your life to Jesus and find life in Him. If you are widowed, you are not less than a person without your spouse. You were created without them. God has a plan for you as an individual. If you are divorced, God has a redemptive plan for you. You are loved by Him and can find healing in His arms.

God never intended for humans to take the place of affection for Him in our hearts. He still wants to be loved first and the most. If we feel we are half of a person without a spouse then we will either feel horrible that we haven’t found our other half, or spend our lives searching for a mate instead of seeking God.

My Prayer:

God I pray for every single, widowed, or divorced person who reads this to find identity, contentment, and wholeness in You. Remove any lies that they cannot live a wonderful life without marriage. If marriage is their desire, I ask that You prepare them for what’s to come. May they never seek marriage over pure devotion to you. Heal, restore, and love on them. May they always feel You near. In Jesus precious name, amen. 


The Single Reality

The Single Reality (Part 1)

Good afternoon friends. I decided to devote the next few posts to the topic of singleness. There are blogs for married couples, blogs for people with children, blogs with relationship advice, but I have found few that positively deal with being single. So here goes…

Here’s some stats from 2010 reported by CNN.

“There are 96 million people in the United States who have no spouse. That means 43 percent of all Americans over the age of 18 are single, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. “Single” is defined as adults who have never been married, are divorced or are widowed in the bureau’s America’s Families and Living Arrangements survey of 2009. Of the singletons, 61 percent of them have never said “I do.” Twenty-four percent are divorced and 15 percent are widowed.,”

I read an article in the gym last week that stated the number of people not getting married has increased to close to 55 percent. So, if you are not married, you are not alone. More people are seeking higher education than in the past and delaying marriage or forfeiting it all together. Some people have chosen to remain single until they are financially or emotionally ready. There are more options today than there were in our parents and grandparents day. I believe marriage is noble and honorable. I also believe being single is noble and honorable as well.

Here Are Some Truths About Being Single:

1. Single doesn’t have to mean lonely . Since there are so many single people in the world there is an opportunity to build community, make new family, volunteer, and serve without limitations. I know married people who are lonely, so don’t let status cripple you.

2. Your identity is not in your status, it’s in who you are in Christ. Most people ask you two questions when they meet you. “What do you do?” and “Are you married?” Single/Married is not your identity. Your identity is a child of God. A beloved, valuable child of God.

3.Being single does not mean something is wrong with you. I have met single and married people who have tons of baggage and if you needed to be perfect to find someone to love you, no one would ever get married. 🙂 There’s a key for every lock.

4. Just because you have not met someone you want to spend your life with does not mean you can’t or won’t.

5. Being a single Christian means pursuing God without distractions. There are so many things that can be done for God and the world during the time frame of being single. See 1 Corinthians 7. I am not saying marriage is a limitation. I am saying take advantage of the time you have to pursue God alone. Get to know Him and cultivate a relationship with Him.

6. Single doesn’t have to mean miserable. I know people say, “One is the loneliest number.” I  truly believe if you decide to live life to the fullest despite status, then you can be happy and content in any circumstances. If you have a relationship with God, then you are never alone. If you have a church family, then you are also never alone.

Some Truths About Marriage (from my married friends):

1. Being married will not make you happy if you are miserable alone. One person cannot take the weight of being responsible for another person’s happiness. If we seek happiness from external sources, we will be disappointed. Happiness starts within.

2. Being married and miserable is far worse than being single and miserable. This is a quote I have heard from married friends. So, take your time and marry because it’s right, not to check a box. Marriage was intended to be for life, for better or worse.

3. Marriage is about serving and loving another person. It is a covenant of faithfulness and self-sacrifice. Selfishness must die. See 1 Corinthians 7.

4. Getting married for the wrong reasons can lead to heartache. Don’t rush to the altar because everyone else is. Plan for a marriage (a lifetime together) instead of just planning for a wedding.

5. Don’t get married thinking you’ll change someone. What you see is what you get, unless there is divine intervention.

6. Getting married doesn’t fix low self-esteem, it increases the ability to see your flaws.

7. Marriage is awesome when you marry your best friend. So, cultivate friendship.

I hope these lists were helpful. Whether you want to get married or stay single, you are not alone. There are millions of people in the world just like you. Don’t allow external pressures, a biological clock, or need to fit in, push you into a relationship. God knows the plans that He has for you. They are good plans. My prayer is that no day is wasted. Don’t waste a day waiting for the one to show up, enjoy being with the One (Jesus). If marriage is your dream, trust Him. Connect your heart to His and enjoy the adventure. Make friends, cultivate family with other friends, volunteer, serve, travel, and most of all LIVE! No one should feel sorry for you. The world is your oyster! You +God=exciting adventures. Blog with you soon.

Leave comments if there is a topic related to being single you would like for me to address.



By Erin Lamb

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen, Ephesians 4:29. 

Since I had some time today I wanted to share some little nuggets (insight) with you. I have the poster in my office that I put up a few weeks ago that says, T.H.I.N.K before you speak. The acronym stands for the following:

T- it is true

H-is it helpful

I-is it inspiring

N-is it necessary

K-is it kind

We live in a world that is filled with words. We talk, we write, we text, we tweet, we use Facebook, etc…but how much time goes into thinking about the words we are speaking. People share their opinions all day long and sometimes those opinions are not rooted in truth, nor are they beneficial to the hearer. Paul encourages the church at Ephesus to only speak words that are beneficial to the hearers. I know there are plenty of words I speak that may not be beneficial. They may be true, but not necessary.

The poster is in my office as a reminder, not a rule to live by. We are not bound to only speak scripture or live in a world where we never express our opinions. However, I want my words to build up, not tear down. And if I must use my words for rebuke or reproof, I want them to lead the other person to a better way to do things, not destroy them to the point they can’t recover. Jesus had some stern words if you read the red letters in your Bible, but there was always a purpose for them. He only did what He saw the Father doing. Jesus also offended people and rarely explained Himself, but there was always a greater purpose behind what He was doing. Is there a greater purpose behind what we are speaking?

The words over our lives and the lives of others:

How many times have you spoken a negative word over yourself and then seen it happen? I have several times in my life. Words such as, “I won’t be able to do this. Things will always be this way. That person will never change. This will always be bad.” Those words were empowered the moment they exited my mouth because whether we realize it or not our words are powerful. Proverbs tells us that life and death are in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). I had a prophetic word given to me last year and the man said that when I spoke I was placing signs in the spiritual realm, much like a sign. So the good words were planted and the bad words were planted. I realized from that word that many things in my life that were negative were tied to my stinking thinking and negative words. I am not saying I can speak and modify the entire universe. God does not serve my every whim, but as a co-heir with Christ I can speak things into existence with my words. He has given us the power to bless and many times we use that power to curse.

Then I thought about the things I said of others. Were my words always edifying? Were they always blessings? Whether or not another person heard them, I still had the choice to use the tool God gave me to bless and help someone through prayer, or hurt someone through negative words.

So my hope for us is that we use our words to bless. I pray our words are true, helpful, inspiring, necessary, and kind. I pray that when people listen to us or spend time with us they leave better than when they came. I pray we cease wounding people with careless words. I pray we speak what God would speak, how He would speak it. And if we must correct or confront someone, I pray they are able to be a better person because of it, not a person crippled or severely wounded. We have great power resting in our words. Let’s use our words to make this world a better place. In Jesus name, Amen.